Frequently Asked Questions
Below you can skim through a list of our most commonly-asked questions that cannot be easily answered elsewhere on our website. Additionally you are welcome to use the contact form immediately below to submit your own question. We will not only answer it ASAP, but we also may paraphrase it and add to the list below if seems like it might help others.
Which experience is better, Small Private or Public Telescope tours?
Our private observatory does house the largest of our BIG telescopes, the awesome TPV, but our public observatory has the rest of our BIG telescopes and the best audio-visual equipment.
Some worry that differing levels of astronomy literacy might cause them to slow down or be slowed down by the rest of a public tour. Even in the extreme this is unlikely. If you are a PhD Astrophysicist we are going to show you the original pink-brown combo of photons from Pluto, and other things you've only seen as data or pictures, just as well in either format. Dumb questions? Of course they exist! But you can't utter one at the Dark Ranger Observatory, because we answer every questions as if it were the smartest one asked each night.
It depends on how specific your astronomy needs are. Private tours are designed to cater to astrophotographers, telescope-test-drivers, and/or astronomy buffs seeking the maximum intellectual/educational immersion experience. Nevertheless some simply prefer to privately celebrate the unique experience of our amazing night sky.
In contrast, our goal with public tours is to make these as social of gatherings as possible. To that end we strive for universal appeal by striking a balance between education and entertainment.
Some worry that differing levels of astronomy literacy might cause them to slow down or be slowed down by the rest of a public tour. Even in the extreme this is unlikely. If you are a PhD Astrophysicist we are going to show you the original pink-brown combo of photons from Pluto, and other things you've only seen as data or pictures, just as well in either format. Dumb questions? Of course they exist! But you can't utter one at the Dark Ranger Observatory, because we answer every questions as if it were the smartest one asked each night.
It depends on how specific your astronomy needs are. Private tours are designed to cater to astrophotographers, telescope-test-drivers, and/or astronomy buffs seeking the maximum intellectual/educational immersion experience. Nevertheless some simply prefer to privately celebrate the unique experience of our amazing night sky.
In contrast, our goal with public tours is to make these as social of gatherings as possible. To that end we strive for universal appeal by striking a balance between education and entertainment.
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TLDR!?
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Booking our Private Observatory with a Small Private Telescope Tour is like booking an entire restaurant for just one table. Of course it's expensive. And the food will probably still taste about the same... But maybe you mostly dine out for quality time with friends and family, instead of just the nourishment?
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Yeah, but which do the Dark Rangers prefer?
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Hey! Thanks for asking! Though we are the most knowledgeable astronomers and telescope techs you can hire for a night, we are first and foremost entertainers. Entertainers always prefer a 'big room.' So, if you want to see us at our best, because WE are having the most fun, book a public telescope tour.
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Wait! Wouldn't Large Private Telescope Tours be the best of both worlds?
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Yes!
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Why is your website so retro?
Retro? Oh you must be referring to our old-fashioned style where we use complete sentences in paragraph form? Instead of meaningless buzzwords in adjective-heavy sentence fragments? As to why we take that approach? We want to appeal to readers.
Fine, but why is there so much required reading?
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Required? Of course it's not required. The reading is only advised if you want to have a good time and get your money's worth from your telescope experience.
We are only going to have the privileged of entertaining you for 2-3 hours. It's always better if we can spend less of that precious time telling you about basic, but important preparedness things you should have already read. What's more, if you are a self-proclaimed "bucket-lister" this might be your only exposure. That's an extra obligation on us, to provide the best experience possible. Help us help you, by reading enough of our website (or even just looking at the pictures and videos) that your expectations are realistic, and you are at least aware there is such a thing as telescope etiquette. However, if you are too busy to read, you might be too busy to enjoy our authentic approach to astronomy. Other alternatives you could try first, might include: - going to a planetarium (i.e. warmer, less experiential, less educational) - watching astronomy science shows (i.e. almost as educational, warmer, but less experiential) |
Authentic? Is that one of those meaningless buzzwords? |
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Ha! Well played. If only more of our guests read as carefully.
"Authentic" because: - We provide the "original photons." These particles of light (and/or waves) have been traveling from millions of light years distant, for literally millions of years, racing past black holes, fighting their way through immense debris fields of both star-death and star-birth nebulae, and in the last fraction of a second, plunging thru Earth's wet atmosphere, to be accumulated and concentrated in our BIG telescopes, blasted through your pupil, AND if you have focused the telescope correctly, ending their epic journey with an inaudible thud as they are converted into a biochemical explosion in your retina, known as vision, and preserved by your brain as memory. Or... you could have stayed home watching the fake photons emitted from an astronomy program on your screen. - It's authentically experiential: |
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BECAUSE IT'S COLD!
Just like all oceans are salty, and beaches often sandy, the best observatories are cold. Some astronomers house themselves and their telescopes in domes to stay warmer. We don't have domes because warm air is the enemy of image clarity, and because you miss every meteor, and the majesty of the Milky Way from the blinders-on view of the Universe that domes provide. BECAUSE WE ENCOURAGE ADJUSTING THE FOCUS! Everybody's vision is slightly different, especially when using only 1 eye - as you must with a telescope eyepiece. We don't now why our so-called competitors won't let you adjust the focus on their telescopes. Perhaps they book too high of a guest to telescope ratio? Maybe they lack the panache to talk to the whole queue instead of just the person at the telescope? Maybe they are ironically impatient astronomers? Maybe they are just bad at teaching others how to focus? Regardless, we the Dark Rangers, clearly love you more than they do! So we are going to teach you how focus each telescope to match your unique vision, just like REAL astronomers must do for themselves. BECAUSE IT'S DARK! We are here because it's dark, and it's dark because we are here. Therefore there's no glowing green exit signs or aisle lights to guide you through a black-out curtain to a brightly lit snack bar. We start our shows in the twilight so that you can adjust to our authentic darkness the way humans always have, slowly. All sighted people can see in the dark. We wouldn't have made it out of Africa if we couldn't. The leopards would have seen to that. However, if you don't own a sleeping bag, you might never have given your eye-brain system a chance to perform this routine task. It only takes about 5 minutes to obtain the first 1/3 rd of your night vision. But to those that haven't experienced natural darkness, those few minutes can be moderately terrifying. Dark Rangers are happy to share our love of a pristine starry sky, and love conquers fear. But our observatory might not be the best place to cure your nyctophobia. We provide some strategically placed red lights, which don't harm night vision as much, for basic way-finding, to the extent that won't need to bring your own red lights. What we can't abide is our guests using any non-red lights - cell phones usually being the biggest offenders. After 30-minutes you'll have 90% of your night vision and you'll be surprised by how well you can see under a naturally dark sky. Jupiter and Venus will cause you cast a shadow. The Milky Way is bright enough for you to detect the smile on a loved ones's face. What more do you need to see than that? BTW one does NOT "adapt" to night vision (did you learn your biology from a physicist?) unless by definition you undergo gene-therapy. Instead animals and plants acclimate (temporarily adjust) to the darkness. If we became "dark adapted" we wouldn't be able to re-acclimate to daytime vision. |
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- It's authentically educational:
Because we have an activist Mission: 1. Increase scientific literacy 2. Build enthusiasm for humanity becoming a spacefaring civilization 3. Heighten awareness to the evils of light pollution Education underlies everything we do. This emphasis allows us to hire astronomy students from leading universities, vetted and trained for excellent entertainment skills, and eager to help us advance our Mission. In addition to a quick refresher on the astronomy you .learned in 5th grade, when you book with us, you'll also learn about their cutting edge research and have fun time doing it. For those who are more interested in filling their Instagram than their minds, don't worry, you can always leave early, before your Dark Ranger starts their presentation. However those who both post AND read on-line reviews, will see how most of our guests think our educational presentations are the best part of the experience. Alternatively, if you pay the premium to book one of our private tours you can opt out of a presentation component entirely. Enter the code phrase "I'm an influencer!" into the booking questionnaire, and we will try even harder not to teach you anything. |
Is the $10 Zero Gravity Lounge Chair add-on worth it?
It depends. On cold nights you won't want to sit very long if you didn't dress warmly, and since almost nobody heeds our cautions about cold, you probably don't want to pay the extra amount for a Zero Gravity Chair add-on during a Winter Public Telescope Tour. On full Moon nights? Also probably not? On darker nights (4 days past the full Moon to 7 days before the full Moon) they DEFINITELY are worth the money! Regardless of how much of the Milky Way you can see on any given night, the Zero Gravity Loungers are just more comfortable. By comparison our regular and free amphitheater chairs are comfortable enough for watching the 30 to 45-min multimedia presentation component of the evening, however they are uncomfortable for stargazing -- no neck support. Another thing to consider is that because we setup 1 telescope per 5-7 guests, there's so little "down time" that you have to make a conscious decision to take a break from the telescopes so you can spend quality stargazing time in your Zero Gravity chair. Parents like to use their chairs as a cozy place where their kids can sleep wrapped up in blanket so that they the adults, can have some quality time at the telescopes as a couple.
How far are you from Zion, because that's where we are staying?
2 hours.
Why in the world would you stay down there? It's more crowded, more expensive, and inconveniently located on the fringe of the Colorado Plateau. Bryce Canyon aka "Center of our Universe" also happens to be in the center of Colorado Plateau. From here you can make long or short day-trips to all the lessor places: Arches, Canyonlands, Grand Canyon, Glen Canyon... oh! and of course Zion. I almost forgot about that one.
NOTE: Capitol Reef is the best of all these National Parks, but only share that privileged information with your very best friends. Not everybody deserves to know about how great Capitol Reef is.
Why in the world would you stay down there? It's more crowded, more expensive, and inconveniently located on the fringe of the Colorado Plateau. Bryce Canyon aka "Center of our Universe" also happens to be in the center of Colorado Plateau. From here you can make long or short day-trips to all the lessor places: Arches, Canyonlands, Grand Canyon, Glen Canyon... oh! and of course Zion. I almost forgot about that one.
NOTE: Capitol Reef is the best of all these National Parks, but only share that privileged information with your very best friends. Not everybody deserves to know about how great Capitol Reef is.
Is your observatory wheelchair accessible?
Yes. Our accessible parking gets mobility impaired guests within 150 feet (50m) of everything: our telescopes, amphitheater/auditorium, and accessible portapotty.
Are pets allowed at the Dark Ranger Observatory?
To put it simply, probably not. Your pet(s) are CERTAINLY welcome to remain in your car, in our parking lot (after having a brief bio-break in the brushy outskirts of our parking lot). They are discouraged at the facility itself.
Unless your pet:
a) is a Service Animal and specifically dog or a miniature horse functioning in accordance with ADA rules and guidelines.
b) is an obviously well trained and well behaved 'emotional support animal.' NOTE: this class of animal, aka "bullshit service animal" has no protection under the law. Nevertheless they will be welcomed providing the animal:
- stays on a < 2-meter leash. Longer leashes don't express freedom, but admit to a lack of control.
- is a "purse dogs" AND also on a leash. If a purse isn't too confining, neither is a 6-foot or shorter leash.
- is not a negative or positive distraction. Our observatory's purpose is astronomy, not to be a petting zoo.
- has a compliant handler who will not need to be told twice when it's time to take the pet back to the car.
c) is part of a private tour who have alerted us that you will be bringing your well-behaved dog/cat. With prior approval we might also be interested in meeting your more exotic animal(s) as long as your horse, falcon, parrot, ferret, otter, bear, bison, rhino, orangutan, camel named Clyde, etc. is unlikely to 'mark', climb on, or rub-up-against our telescopes. And because nobody wants your pet or be harmed or eaten by our wild coyotes, owls, or badgers, leashes/leads are still required. Clyde can have 7-ft long one, because he is very tall.
True, we wish to be courteous to our other paying guests who may have unknown but potential allergies or pet-phobias. But mainly, we strive to provide the ultimate Earth-based astronomy experience. For most this will be their first premium telescope and night sky experience. For some it might even be a transformational moment. Obviously we don't want anything like barking dogs, whistling parrots, owners calling into the darkness after indifferent cats, leashes wrapped around human and/or telescope legs, and countless other distractions and detractions that you might not be able to imagine, but we nevertheless have experienced. Not wanting to risk such disruptions is the main reason why we don't even allow our own dogs to be in the amphitheater or among the telescopes.
Our two Great Danes have the run of the place, because they help with security and literally keep the coyotes at bay. They are trained to patrol the perimeter. So, unless you specifically request to meet them and you are willing to hang around while we are closing for the night, it's very unlikely you will see or even hear them when the observatory is "in show."
Unless your pet:
a) is a Service Animal and specifically dog or a miniature horse functioning in accordance with ADA rules and guidelines.
b) is an obviously well trained and well behaved 'emotional support animal.' NOTE: this class of animal, aka "bullshit service animal" has no protection under the law. Nevertheless they will be welcomed providing the animal:
- stays on a < 2-meter leash. Longer leashes don't express freedom, but admit to a lack of control.
- is a "purse dogs" AND also on a leash. If a purse isn't too confining, neither is a 6-foot or shorter leash.
- is not a negative or positive distraction. Our observatory's purpose is astronomy, not to be a petting zoo.
- has a compliant handler who will not need to be told twice when it's time to take the pet back to the car.
c) is part of a private tour who have alerted us that you will be bringing your well-behaved dog/cat. With prior approval we might also be interested in meeting your more exotic animal(s) as long as your horse, falcon, parrot, ferret, otter, bear, bison, rhino, orangutan, camel named Clyde, etc. is unlikely to 'mark', climb on, or rub-up-against our telescopes. And because nobody wants your pet or be harmed or eaten by our wild coyotes, owls, or badgers, leashes/leads are still required. Clyde can have 7-ft long one, because he is very tall.
True, we wish to be courteous to our other paying guests who may have unknown but potential allergies or pet-phobias. But mainly, we strive to provide the ultimate Earth-based astronomy experience. For most this will be their first premium telescope and night sky experience. For some it might even be a transformational moment. Obviously we don't want anything like barking dogs, whistling parrots, owners calling into the darkness after indifferent cats, leashes wrapped around human and/or telescope legs, and countless other distractions and detractions that you might not be able to imagine, but we nevertheless have experienced. Not wanting to risk such disruptions is the main reason why we don't even allow our own dogs to be in the amphitheater or among the telescopes.
Our two Great Danes have the run of the place, because they help with security and literally keep the coyotes at bay. They are trained to patrol the perimeter. So, unless you specifically request to meet them and you are willing to hang around while we are closing for the night, it's very unlikely you will see or even hear them when the observatory is "in show."
Is it true that you offer free hot drinks every night?
Yes, every night it's not too cloudy to open up. We offer, help-yourself, hot-chocolate, cider, coffee, and what we Americans call "tea." Cold water is also available. For obvious reasons, neither children nor adults are allowed to have beverages in the immediate vicinity of the telescopes .
Refills are also free while hot water lasts, but you should reuse the same cup. So as to encourage a conservation ethic, extra cups cost $10,000 and full payment must be made via Paypal. That way we can easily donate your extra cup payment to theoceancleanup.com
Refills are also free while hot water lasts, but you should reuse the same cup. So as to encourage a conservation ethic, extra cups cost $10,000 and full payment must be made via Paypal. That way we can easily donate your extra cup payment to theoceancleanup.com
Is food available at the Dark Ranger Observatory?
No. Indeed you are only allowed to consume your own food in your car, in our parking lot. In addition to protecting our telescopes from salty, sticky, or greasy hands, we have to keep the facility food-free. Because our observatory is located on the prairie-forest habitat interface, we can't risk crumbs or even food-odors attracting wild animals .
Is smoking allowed at the Dark Ranger Observatory?
Absolutely not! All smoking is restricted to our parking lot. Even when it can be confirmed that smoking may not offend a single guest (say in the example of a private tour) we still prohibit it anywhere near our telescopes. Smoke readily damages the sensitive optics beyond the ability of even a professional cleaning to restore.
Can we consume alcohol at the Dark Ranger Observatory?
No, at this time we do not have even have a beer/wine liquor license. This means we do not serve alcohol AND you cannot even BYOB of your own alcohol on the premises including our parking lot, even if it is well disguised and discretely consumed. It is not widely known, but easy to confirm, that Utah breweries, wineries, and even distilleries exist, all producing truly excellent alcoholic products (we are happy to recommend our favorites). Ironically, the consumption of those products is strictly regulated everywhere in Utah - even on private property. Sorry to disappoint, but "we" Utahans aren't apparently as 'freedom-loving' as we pretend to be.
Exception: With prior approval and when consistent with Utah law pertaining to private events, those who book a private tour may supply their own alcohol at our private observatory, for a private event where there is an established guest list. Examples might include a business party, or a wedding.
Exception: With prior approval and when consistent with Utah law pertaining to private events, those who book a private tour may supply their own alcohol at our private observatory, for a private event where there is an established guest list. Examples might include a business party, or a wedding.
Wait! You do weddings? Can we be married by a Dark Ranger?
Yes! We are not only happy to host receptions, Kevin "The Dark Ranger" Poe is licensed to officiate weddings in the State of Utah, and can be contracted to perform an inspirational, creative, but secular (non-religious) ceremony. Email or call for more information.
We booked a 9pm Telescope Tour. What time should we be there?
9:00pm.
Unless you anticipate that you will need extra time to put on your swim fins or ice skates (depending on the season), then you could arrive 15 minutes early.
Seriously folks, we don't know why many in the tourism industry have decided to publish both arrival and start times. Perhaps they feel the world has not yet achieved maximum etiquette saturation and burdensome complications. At the Dark Ranger Observatory the start time is the published start time (unless we have to delay up to 30 minutes for weather in which case you will be notified). Check your email confirmation. If you arrive late, just let us know, and we will graciously catch you up. We never want our guest to "rush" when driving on unfamiliar roads is a factor. On the other hand, if you arrive very early...
Unless you anticipate that you will need extra time to put on your swim fins or ice skates (depending on the season), then you could arrive 15 minutes early.
Seriously folks, we don't know why many in the tourism industry have decided to publish both arrival and start times. Perhaps they feel the world has not yet achieved maximum etiquette saturation and burdensome complications. At the Dark Ranger Observatory the start time is the published start time (unless we have to delay up to 30 minutes for weather in which case you will be notified). Check your email confirmation. If you arrive late, just let us know, and we will graciously catch you up. We never want our guest to "rush" when driving on unfamiliar roads is a factor. On the other hand, if you arrive very early...
Is it true that we will be yelled at if we show up too early?
Well... I wouldn't say " yelled"... and certainly not if you are only 20-minutes early. But if 20+ minutes is your definition of "fashionably early" you might get snarky welcomes like:
"Hi! I see you didn't have any trouble finding the place."
"We'll check you in a few minutes... Telescopes come first. If we are not careful, early arrivals result in late starts..."
"Oh hello! Between you and me, the only reward for being this early is that you get to enjoy the cold a lot longer."
"Look at you1! XX minutes early! It's a good thing this isn't a dinner party..."
The good news is that our therapists are teaching us to imagine that disruptively early arrivals, ARE NOT stress-inducing trespasses, rushing us thru our complicated telescope preparatory procedures, thus hastening the difficult Dark Ranger transition from technophile to entertainer, before we are ready; but instead, merely a measure of enthusiasm on the part of our guests.
So, if you are worried about finding our observatory (and yet bizarrely insist on trying to do so with Waze maps whose business model appears to be "let's let people who don't already know how to get from Point A to Point B, make recommendations for others who also can't read maps"), just know that if you arrive at our closed gate, you are at least 1-hr early, and that only 1-mile back the way you came (unless you used Waze), is the Pines Restaurant where they serve excellent pie. After we open the gate, we enthusiastically want you to know that our parking lot is the perfect place for you to catch up on your correspondence, do more vacation planning, or if all such pastimes are complete, re-read our verbose but nevertheless informative website... you know, at least until 20 minutes before showtime. :-)
"Hi! I see you didn't have any trouble finding the place."
"We'll check you in a few minutes... Telescopes come first. If we are not careful, early arrivals result in late starts..."
"Oh hello! Between you and me, the only reward for being this early is that you get to enjoy the cold a lot longer."
"Look at you1! XX minutes early! It's a good thing this isn't a dinner party..."
The good news is that our therapists are teaching us to imagine that disruptively early arrivals, ARE NOT stress-inducing trespasses, rushing us thru our complicated telescope preparatory procedures, thus hastening the difficult Dark Ranger transition from technophile to entertainer, before we are ready; but instead, merely a measure of enthusiasm on the part of our guests.
So, if you are worried about finding our observatory (and yet bizarrely insist on trying to do so with Waze maps whose business model appears to be "let's let people who don't already know how to get from Point A to Point B, make recommendations for others who also can't read maps"), just know that if you arrive at our closed gate, you are at least 1-hr early, and that only 1-mile back the way you came (unless you used Waze), is the Pines Restaurant where they serve excellent pie. After we open the gate, we enthusiastically want you to know that our parking lot is the perfect place for you to catch up on your correspondence, do more vacation planning, or if all such pastimes are complete, re-read our verbose but nevertheless informative website... you know, at least until 20 minutes before showtime. :-)
But what if we just want extra time to hang and geek out with some Dark Rangers.
Ahhh... aren't you adorable. Stay late. We are much more fun and relaxed when we packing up our telescopes than when we are frantically setting up. AND if you are also fun, we'll show you special astronomical objects, the kind that lead to more technical conversations (e.g. Fermi Paradox, Dark Matter & Dark Energy, Big Bang, Meaning of Life, etc.) BTW it's called "Staying after the Credits" One of our biggest fanned coined that phrase about the benefits of staying late. Just realize most of us Dark Rangers, also have day jobs. It's a tourism economy. EVERYBODY has to work at least 2 jobs. So when we are done with you, even if you aren't done with us, we will politely let you know.
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Is it true you make fun of Moon Landing Denialist and Astrologers every night?
No. Not every night. Some nights it's so cloudy we don't even open the observatory.
Dark Rangers® are educators and entertainers. As educators we endeavor to convert scholarly research, into useful information. As entertainers we know a galaxy of fun helps scientific literacy rise. With us, you'll actually be rewarded for asking so-called dumb questions because we "answer-and..." which means when you ask your question we're going to answer and then elaborate with something related that nearly few others know, so everybody benefits from your brave curiosity. For example if you ask if our Sun is a star, we'll answer "Yes!" and then turn to the eye-rollers (yes, we can see that well in the dark, we are Dark Rangers!) next to you and add, "But most people don't know the technical difference between a planet and star, do you?" And then we will tease the eye-roller, instead of you, when they answer incorrectly. Because that's more educational, and fun... for everybody.
Ignorance isn't our enemy, but misinformation is. And as Sun Tzu teaches, we work hard to know the enemy. We will only need about 11 seconds to correctly determine if you have come to the DRO to learn for yourself, or to unlearn others. And if the latter, that's when our good-natured humor (even if sarcastic), will become more pointed -- not at you, but aimed with deadly accuracy at your misinformation. We won't inspire the audience to laugh at you, but we will get them chuckling about your beliefs. If an astrologer asks a Dark Ranger what his/hers/or their sign is you are going to hear a Dad-joke answers like "Stop", "Do Not Enter", or "No Peeing in the Pool." No matter how graciously the astrologer laughs along with other listeners, if the warning is somehow missed and the astrologer bangs-on about traits or a horoscope, the next joke is only going to be funny for everybody else. A Dark Ranger will ask "Who has a birthday coming soon?" and then will point out the associated constellation of the Zodiac with a green laser. Then the Dark Ranger will explain how our Sun was in "your" constellation on the day you were born. The punchline will be handing the green laser to the Astrologer (or maybe the person with the upcoming birthday) and asking "Now please point to where the Sun is hiding in you 'sign'." And of course since our Sun set 2 hours prior, it won't be in your constellation. Finally, even if the obvious question isn't asked, the Dark Ranger might elaborate with some educational humor like "Astrologers have ignored all the corrections to the calendar over the past 5000 years. That's a disservice, especially to their paying customers. Because bumping your birthday back a month is frowned upon by most governments. And moving the Sun to better align with the constellations of the zodiac is not easy either."
Dark Rangers® are educators and entertainers. As educators we endeavor to convert scholarly research, into useful information. As entertainers we know a galaxy of fun helps scientific literacy rise. With us, you'll actually be rewarded for asking so-called dumb questions because we "answer-and..." which means when you ask your question we're going to answer and then elaborate with something related that nearly few others know, so everybody benefits from your brave curiosity. For example if you ask if our Sun is a star, we'll answer "Yes!" and then turn to the eye-rollers (yes, we can see that well in the dark, we are Dark Rangers!) next to you and add, "But most people don't know the technical difference between a planet and star, do you?" And then we will tease the eye-roller, instead of you, when they answer incorrectly. Because that's more educational, and fun... for everybody.
Ignorance isn't our enemy, but misinformation is. And as Sun Tzu teaches, we work hard to know the enemy. We will only need about 11 seconds to correctly determine if you have come to the DRO to learn for yourself, or to unlearn others. And if the latter, that's when our good-natured humor (even if sarcastic), will become more pointed -- not at you, but aimed with deadly accuracy at your misinformation. We won't inspire the audience to laugh at you, but we will get them chuckling about your beliefs. If an astrologer asks a Dark Ranger what his/hers/or their sign is you are going to hear a Dad-joke answers like "Stop", "Do Not Enter", or "No Peeing in the Pool." No matter how graciously the astrologer laughs along with other listeners, if the warning is somehow missed and the astrologer bangs-on about traits or a horoscope, the next joke is only going to be funny for everybody else. A Dark Ranger will ask "Who has a birthday coming soon?" and then will point out the associated constellation of the Zodiac with a green laser. Then the Dark Ranger will explain how our Sun was in "your" constellation on the day you were born. The punchline will be handing the green laser to the Astrologer (or maybe the person with the upcoming birthday) and asking "Now please point to where the Sun is hiding in you 'sign'." And of course since our Sun set 2 hours prior, it won't be in your constellation. Finally, even if the obvious question isn't asked, the Dark Ranger might elaborate with some educational humor like "Astrologers have ignored all the corrections to the calendar over the past 5000 years. That's a disservice, especially to their paying customers. Because bumping your birthday back a month is frowned upon by most governments. And moving the Sun to better align with the constellations of the zodiac is not easy either."
Okay, but why do you have to be Jerks about it?! Nobody likes to be laughed at!
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Well, for starters, astronomer ARE jerks. :-) Secondly, because nobody, except of course comedians, likes to be laughed at, is exactly why we use humor to curtail the spread of misinformation.
More to your larger question: because we strive to be as entertaining as we are informative, some of us study humor like we study physics. Therefore we know that most humor is about either elevating somebody up or putting somebody down. Consequently we make up jokes about everybody and everything. But we try to only make down jokes about conspiracy theories, magical thinking, and ideologies that are antithetical to our Mission. Like any organization we choose a Mission we can be good at, so we can feel good about serving our Mission. Dark Rangers® seek to increase scientific literacy, strive to build enthusiasm for humanity becoming a space-faring civilization, and heighten awareness to the evils of light pollution. While serving our Mission, you should only assume we are going disagree with anti-science, slandering of space exploration, and any disrespect for conservation. And because scorn and ridicule are cruel, and outright arguing is tedious and barbaric, we take the 3rd option -- retort with humor. Teasing might not be the most charitable way to disagree, but certainly it's the most effective. Laughter is not just the best medicine, it's also the best vaccine against the growing pandemic of conspiracy theories, and other such nonsense. It's hard to proselytize your outlandish beliefs when others are laughing at them. Conspiracy theories appeal because they offer the thrill of amassing secret knowledge, the sense of belonging that comes from loving or hating the same things as others in the tribe, and the hero-complex that comes with protecting your tribe by taking bold actions against an alleged evil. All those things are fueled by infectious fears designed to gin people up. Reason on the other hand, by definition, is the act of calming people down. For that reason, one of the few basal emotions science is allowed to exploit is humor. Jokes have the power to laugh away fears. Laughter unlike anger is only contagious when everybody understands the joke and so humor encourages listening and learning. Rabble-rousing only need to be loud and repetitive. Humor works best when it's subtle and original. Argumentative types only need snippets of their argument, to resonate to be heard, perhaps just an applause line or two might be enough. But to understand the counter-point a funny scientist's is trying to make, you have hear the setup, follow the build-up, and catch the punchline. Exactly unlike comedians, we don't treat every disagreement as a "heckle." We encourage questions and comments, and we might laugh at your jokes harder than you do at ours -- exactly like comedians never do. All of this is because we are NOT comedians but educators. We mainly tell jokes to make our science better listened to, remembered, and hopefully understood. But when a true heckler maliciously challenge us to explain why there aren't any stars in sky of the pictures (allegedly) taken from the surface of our Moon by Apollo astronauts, as proof the landings were faked in a film studio, we will reply "Uh, because it was daytime." And after a comedic pause, "Have you seen any pictures of daytime stars taken from Earth? Pretty hard to do that from the surface of either world, because we share that same one star we call our Sun. And, since it's only 8 light minutes away, it going to outshine all those that are light years away. Nobody makes as much light pollution like our Sun!" And we will be ready to move on to the next topic before the laughter even dies down. However, if the heckler regroups or doubles down, one or more Dark Rangers might deliver a barrage of facts disguised as sarcastic questions. Because that's more educational for everybody including the heckler, and fun for everybody, except maybe the heckler. "Do you think the Sun makes the sky blue? Wrong. It's the nitrogen in our atmosphere." "You know our Moon has no atmosphere right? Okay, then what's the color of nothing?" "Nope, not white! White is the color of all light being reflected. Light can't reflect off of nothing. Therefore the color of nothing when it's dark, is black. Just like the color of nothing in broad daylight is also black." "Daytime lasts 14 days on our Moon. All landings occurred during lunar midday so they could use solar panels. Solar panels were invented by Americans in 1954. There's were a hundred reason way none of the Apollo landing occurred during lunar night. Batteries were especially heavy back then. How cold tolerant do you think flashlight batteries were in 1969?" "Would you want to stumble around in -280F total darkness with a dead-battery holder, and only the light of a full Earth to guide you? Just so you can get pictures of stars from our Moon's nighttime surface? Remember that lunar nights are also 14 Earth days long." "Think about it! If there were stars in the Apollo pictures, everybody would know the landings were faked." Since we are not Wardpack Demons (Wizard's Crown anybody?), we won't keep stealing life from a dead horse. In the scenario above, hopefully we won't have to go past the friendly reminder that we also can't see daytime stars on Earth. Once the misinformation has been rendered non-infectious, we'll go right back to just trying to make real astronomy information fun and meaningful. But make no mistake, we think of conspiracy theories as getting a flat tire. If it doesn't send you careening into the ditch, it's still going to make you late to the party. Conspiracy theories don't just slow YOU down, they grid-lock the flow of progress. We might never be able to recruit enough Dark Rangers to become society’s tow truck, but whenever we see these jerks throwing nails out on the information super-highways, we are going to pull over, turn on our flasher, and direct traffic to steer clear of those shysters. Then we are going to try to get the whole spherical planet to join us in laughing at their failed attempts to keep us ignorant. When they retreat in shame, we are going pick up all those damn nails and put them to some good use… I don’t know, build some real knowledge, or something... I guess? Here's where the analogy sort of starts to inspire a little range anxiety (aka run out of gas, for you cavemen). |
Will we have to hear about politics (jokingly or otherwise) that we don't agree with?
Great Question! Hopefully not. But if your politics inform you to oppose our Mission, then maybe? Because our Mission does have political implications.
The Mission of Dark Ranger Telescope Tours is to use astronomy to increase scientific literacy, build enthusiasm for humanity becoming a space-faring civilization and heighten awareness to the evils of light pollution.
Here's 3 topics we are occasionally criticized for being "too political" about.
1) Some nights we talk about Earth's climate crisis because it directly relates to understanding planetology, which empowers our understanding of terraforming, which is what will allow humanity to become multi-planetary. Colonies on Moon, Mars or Venus, (#Venus1st) and much later Pluto, would protect our species from the only kind of climate change we are otherwise completely defenseless to, and guess what? It is the only truly "natural" and "cyclical " one we have to worry about -- asteroid impacts.
However, if you think and feel that the CO2 climate crisis, is more about politics than science, then there might be 30 seconds here or there, while at the DRO, when you'd be more comfortable with your fingers in your ears. Those who keep listening, might have a new respect for the power of CO2 warming when they learn about the plan of moving 95% of Venus's C02 atmosphere to Mars so as to make both of our neighbors more Earth-like. Comparing that terraforming effort, so as to make a couple of fixer-upper planets barely habitable, suddenly makes taking better care of the planet we already have, seem like a no-brainer. And since the only practical solution to slowing Earth's "burn" is to tax & dividend carbon, that requires legislation, which of course, is a political process.
2) If your "not-politics" are that world governments and rich people are immoral for wasting money on space exploration when Earth has problems more deserving of funding like starvation, the climate crisis, cancer, etc., you might accuses us of being "too political" when we remind that the sad reality of human history is that nothing important is achieved until it has to be, or we are suddenly presented with a new problem. WHO, CDC, and Big Pharma would never have engineered mRNA vaccines before the COVID pandemic, no matter how much funding. Perhaps prevalence of tumors in humans living and working on our Moon without the protection of an atmosphere or magnetic field will be the new motivation for curing cancer? Extremely intensive farming techniques or synthetic food production needed on Mars, could be the final break thru that insures no Earthling (living in a humanitarian nation) goes hungry. Episodes of The Bachelorette filmed on the hell-scape of early-stage terraforming of Venus might get Earth influencers finally talking about CO2 emissions on our home planet, "Look how too much Carbon Dioxide is really bad for your complexion, you guys! Because they are like LITERALLY sweating, all of the time! Even the roses have to be like in space suits, and that is so NOT romantic!"
3) Finally, if you are concerned about light pollution, be it from SpaceX's Starlink satellites or the ubiquitous, and far more detrimental legions of ground-based sources, we have lots of science to share that may help inform your opinion. Fighting light pollution is our origin story. If you find conservation off-putting don't worry, you might not even get 10 minutes of that during a telescope tour. However, if you send us a 10-word email request on the subject, and you might get a 10-page reply. And since here again, the only impactful approach involves regulation (voluntary or legislative) we are perfectly comfortable influencing political opinions about light pollution.
The Mission of Dark Ranger Telescope Tours is to use astronomy to increase scientific literacy, build enthusiasm for humanity becoming a space-faring civilization and heighten awareness to the evils of light pollution.
Here's 3 topics we are occasionally criticized for being "too political" about.
1) Some nights we talk about Earth's climate crisis because it directly relates to understanding planetology, which empowers our understanding of terraforming, which is what will allow humanity to become multi-planetary. Colonies on Moon, Mars or Venus, (#Venus1st) and much later Pluto, would protect our species from the only kind of climate change we are otherwise completely defenseless to, and guess what? It is the only truly "natural" and "cyclical " one we have to worry about -- asteroid impacts.
However, if you think and feel that the CO2 climate crisis, is more about politics than science, then there might be 30 seconds here or there, while at the DRO, when you'd be more comfortable with your fingers in your ears. Those who keep listening, might have a new respect for the power of CO2 warming when they learn about the plan of moving 95% of Venus's C02 atmosphere to Mars so as to make both of our neighbors more Earth-like. Comparing that terraforming effort, so as to make a couple of fixer-upper planets barely habitable, suddenly makes taking better care of the planet we already have, seem like a no-brainer. And since the only practical solution to slowing Earth's "burn" is to tax & dividend carbon, that requires legislation, which of course, is a political process.
2) If your "not-politics" are that world governments and rich people are immoral for wasting money on space exploration when Earth has problems more deserving of funding like starvation, the climate crisis, cancer, etc., you might accuses us of being "too political" when we remind that the sad reality of human history is that nothing important is achieved until it has to be, or we are suddenly presented with a new problem. WHO, CDC, and Big Pharma would never have engineered mRNA vaccines before the COVID pandemic, no matter how much funding. Perhaps prevalence of tumors in humans living and working on our Moon without the protection of an atmosphere or magnetic field will be the new motivation for curing cancer? Extremely intensive farming techniques or synthetic food production needed on Mars, could be the final break thru that insures no Earthling (living in a humanitarian nation) goes hungry. Episodes of The Bachelorette filmed on the hell-scape of early-stage terraforming of Venus might get Earth influencers finally talking about CO2 emissions on our home planet, "Look how too much Carbon Dioxide is really bad for your complexion, you guys! Because they are like LITERALLY sweating, all of the time! Even the roses have to be like in space suits, and that is so NOT romantic!"
3) Finally, if you are concerned about light pollution, be it from SpaceX's Starlink satellites or the ubiquitous, and far more detrimental legions of ground-based sources, we have lots of science to share that may help inform your opinion. Fighting light pollution is our origin story. If you find conservation off-putting don't worry, you might not even get 10 minutes of that during a telescope tour. However, if you send us a 10-word email request on the subject, and you might get a 10-page reply. And since here again, the only impactful approach involves regulation (voluntary or legislative) we are perfectly comfortable influencing political opinions about light pollution.
Why is your competition so much more expensive?
Competition? The only astronomy entity in North America that offers a stargazing experience of equal quality to ours is the University of Texas's McDonald Observatory. Only they have as dark of sky and as large a collection of BIG publicly accessible telescopes. True their prices for private tours are much more expensive, but their prices for public tours are ACTUALLY less expensive because they welcome 100s of guests per night. We charge more so that we can:
a) cap attendance at 42
b) maintain our unprecedented 1 : 7, telescope : guest ratio,
and c) pay our astronomers a living wage rather than relying on volunteers or student interns.
There are many other entities who offer stargazing with telescopes (and most are more expensive), but either their portable telescope(s) get setup in dark parking lots or less traveled road shoulders, and being portable, are much smaller than ours. With telescopes, size really matter. Astronomy B&Bs offer the huge benefit of being able to eat and sleep adjacent to the telescope(s). Just know that if they emphasize their thread-count over aperture, it's probably because that's the bigger number, and you'll be getting what you pay for. Fewer still, operate actual observatories which are open to the public. Most of these are located in suburban or rural locations where light pollution still significantly detracts. To the best of our knowledge, only we and the McDonald Observatory offer the best of all worlds -- or you know... at least this one.
The other reason we don't like the term "competition" is because we are excited to see the recent rise in astronomy tourism. It can only lead to an increase in science literacy and a heightened awareness to the evils of light pollution. In particular we endorse the efforts of the few National Parks who actually offer stargazing programs, instead of just bragging about their dark-sky park designations. They prioritize that two part "mission" to the extent that we do. Besides, we the Dark Rangers®, trained many of those park rangers, so of course we are going to promote their "free" (after the purchase of a park entrance fee) presentations.
a) cap attendance at 42
b) maintain our unprecedented 1 : 7, telescope : guest ratio,
and c) pay our astronomers a living wage rather than relying on volunteers or student interns.
There are many other entities who offer stargazing with telescopes (and most are more expensive), but either their portable telescope(s) get setup in dark parking lots or less traveled road shoulders, and being portable, are much smaller than ours. With telescopes, size really matter. Astronomy B&Bs offer the huge benefit of being able to eat and sleep adjacent to the telescope(s). Just know that if they emphasize their thread-count over aperture, it's probably because that's the bigger number, and you'll be getting what you pay for. Fewer still, operate actual observatories which are open to the public. Most of these are located in suburban or rural locations where light pollution still significantly detracts. To the best of our knowledge, only we and the McDonald Observatory offer the best of all worlds -- or you know... at least this one.
The other reason we don't like the term "competition" is because we are excited to see the recent rise in astronomy tourism. It can only lead to an increase in science literacy and a heightened awareness to the evils of light pollution. In particular we endorse the efforts of the few National Parks who actually offer stargazing programs, instead of just bragging about their dark-sky park designations. They prioritize that two part "mission" to the extent that we do. Besides, we the Dark Rangers®, trained many of those park rangers, so of course we are going to promote their "free" (after the purchase of a park entrance fee) presentations.
Compare what you do, to the stargazing Bryce Canyon National Park offers?
To put it simply, we merely offer the deluxe version of a similar experience. They have the same near-pristine dark sky, only employ staff with excellent customer service skills, and they champion science and night sky preservation the way we do. Where we differ, is that our telescopes are larger. We have a dedicated facility. Our amphitheater and telescopes are only 42 feet (13m) apart so there's no commute with limited parking on either end.
They charge $35/car load for a wide variety of outdoor experiences including stargazing. For a family-friendly pricing scheme ($40/adult and deep discounts for kids), we focus on just the Universe. Park Rangers are hired and trained to be multi-capable individuals conversant on a wide variety of topics. Dark Ranger specialize in all things night-sky related and have mastery over telescope operation, because it's all we do. The biggest difference is that because Bryce Canyon doesn't cap attendance, they often get lines 50-people deep per telescopes, where we promise a 1:7 telescope per guest ratio. Hence our motto "More time viewing, less time queueing."
To be clear many of us Dark Ranger perfected our skills in the service of Bryce Canyon National Park (as paid staff and volunteers). To put it another way, they are our so-called 'origin story.' Therefore we are eager to help them keep their telescopes operational and when we are sold out, we unequivocally direct our overflow to them. They reciprocate by sending guests to us (though you might have to specifically ask?) on their off nights, because while we are open nightly, they can only do astronomy 2-3 nights per week.
They charge $35/car load for a wide variety of outdoor experiences including stargazing. For a family-friendly pricing scheme ($40/adult and deep discounts for kids), we focus on just the Universe. Park Rangers are hired and trained to be multi-capable individuals conversant on a wide variety of topics. Dark Ranger specialize in all things night-sky related and have mastery over telescope operation, because it's all we do. The biggest difference is that because Bryce Canyon doesn't cap attendance, they often get lines 50-people deep per telescopes, where we promise a 1:7 telescope per guest ratio. Hence our motto "More time viewing, less time queueing."
To be clear many of us Dark Ranger perfected our skills in the service of Bryce Canyon National Park (as paid staff and volunteers). To put it another way, they are our so-called 'origin story.' Therefore we are eager to help them keep their telescopes operational and when we are sold out, we unequivocally direct our overflow to them. They reciprocate by sending guests to us (though you might have to specifically ask?) on their off nights, because while we are open nightly, they can only do astronomy 2-3 nights per week.
Do you offer Senior or Military discounts?
Sorry, no. :-(
We take a different approach to discounts. Certainly we respect our elders. From the beginning of time, astronomy has relied on the wise passing on knowledge to the young. We try to support our troops beyond bumper-stickers and "Thank you for your service." Indeed we offer free (+ our travel expenses) astral navigation workshops that are no longer being taught in the U.S. Military, but probably should be? It is our opinion that in an era where few can read a map, a reliance on something so vulnerable as GPS, is foolish and a serious combat readiness issue.
Regardless, our discounts are designed to "pay it forward." We know that, some retirees retire so they can be advocates. Many in the military serve humanity long after their 40-hr week is complete. Yet, we restrict our discounts to the children because obviously only their hearts and minds are motivated to solve the problems we are "bequeathing" to them. Do we still hold a grudge against "the Boomers" for cancelling the Apollo Missions. Absolutely! And we will unto our very deathbeds! Do we find mocking young advocates for their Climate Crisis mitigation efforts abhorrent? More than you can possibly imagine! So, we subsidize the attendance of children and young adults, rather than their grandparents. Who is more likely to become astronauts, engineers, and planetologist? Who will bring humanity to Mars and Venus while simultaneously keeping Earth as livable as possible? We are betting it's going to be the kids, and this is how we support them.
Finally, we believe in the equity of "ability to pay." Since we also know that all young families (especially those in the military) struggle to make ends meet, that's why parents with the youngest kids pay the least. If you find children off-putting, may we recommend our private tours? Yes, they are a lot more expensive, but by booking those instead, you might be making everybody happier? Certainly whether you agree or not, your generosity will be helping us, help them, by empowering us to keep our public tour pricing as family-friendly as possible.
We take a different approach to discounts. Certainly we respect our elders. From the beginning of time, astronomy has relied on the wise passing on knowledge to the young. We try to support our troops beyond bumper-stickers and "Thank you for your service." Indeed we offer free (+ our travel expenses) astral navigation workshops that are no longer being taught in the U.S. Military, but probably should be? It is our opinion that in an era where few can read a map, a reliance on something so vulnerable as GPS, is foolish and a serious combat readiness issue.
Regardless, our discounts are designed to "pay it forward." We know that, some retirees retire so they can be advocates. Many in the military serve humanity long after their 40-hr week is complete. Yet, we restrict our discounts to the children because obviously only their hearts and minds are motivated to solve the problems we are "bequeathing" to them. Do we still hold a grudge against "the Boomers" for cancelling the Apollo Missions. Absolutely! And we will unto our very deathbeds! Do we find mocking young advocates for their Climate Crisis mitigation efforts abhorrent? More than you can possibly imagine! So, we subsidize the attendance of children and young adults, rather than their grandparents. Who is more likely to become astronauts, engineers, and planetologist? Who will bring humanity to Mars and Venus while simultaneously keeping Earth as livable as possible? We are betting it's going to be the kids, and this is how we support them.
Finally, we believe in the equity of "ability to pay." Since we also know that all young families (especially those in the military) struggle to make ends meet, that's why parents with the youngest kids pay the least. If you find children off-putting, may we recommend our private tours? Yes, they are a lot more expensive, but by booking those instead, you might be making everybody happier? Certainly whether you agree or not, your generosity will be helping us, help them, by empowering us to keep our public tour pricing as family-friendly as possible.
So why do you offer full rebates to teachers?
First of all it is not ALL teachers. We only honor $42 rebates to K-12 public school teachers. The private sector is full of better paid teachers or teachers working for non-accredited institutions. We have to draw the line somewhere otherwise we might find ourselves subsidizing those who actively oppose our Mission: e.g. astrologers, young Earth creationists, etc. There's a lot of fakers looking for educational discounts, but sadly not enough willing to answer the greatest calling -- becoming a K-12 public school teacher.
1. Teachers further the Dark Ranger Mission better than Seniors or members of the Military... or anybody else and especially astrologers.
2. Teaching is the profession that makes ALL others profession possible.
3. Ironically teaching is the profession denied its expertise while nevertheless demonstrating it everyday. Dark Ranger revere teachers so instead of telling them what and how to teach like so many misguided parents and creepy politicians these day, we ask teachers to teach us how to do our jobs better.
4. And since that's asking professionals to work while on vacation, a $42 rebate is a small price to pay for expert consultation.
1. Teachers further the Dark Ranger Mission better than Seniors or members of the Military... or anybody else and especially astrologers.
2. Teaching is the profession that makes ALL others profession possible.
3. Ironically teaching is the profession denied its expertise while nevertheless demonstrating it everyday. Dark Ranger revere teachers so instead of telling them what and how to teach like so many misguided parents and creepy politicians these day, we ask teachers to teach us how to do our jobs better.
4. And since that's asking professionals to work while on vacation, a $42 rebate is a small price to pay for expert consultation.
Is it true that child-eyes can't focus well enough to use telescopes?
No! Indeed exactly opposite is true. Humans have the best night-vision at age 11-12 because only they can dilate their pupils to a maximum of 10mm. Furthermore, younger eyes have a greater range of focus (due to more flexible lenses) so they seldom need to adjust a telescope's focus to match their vision. As long as a child has had a few minutes of practice looking through a tube with one eye closed (or manually held closed), they will need less time at an eyepiece than adults to get their best possible view.
We can only speculate that some of our so-called competition created this myth to excuse themselves from the responsibility of hiring staff who are (or can be trained to become) good with kids. Please note our family-friendly pricing. Hopefully that says everything else we cannot politely articulate here.
We can only speculate that some of our so-called competition created this myth to excuse themselves from the responsibility of hiring staff who are (or can be trained to become) good with kids. Please note our family-friendly pricing. Hopefully that says everything else we cannot politely articulate here.
Lots of places brag about their dark sky. Can you prove yours is darkest?
No. Because several places on Earth are a little darker. In these 5 slightly darker locations, the human eye can detect 8,000+ stars over the course of a clear Moonless night:
- Antarctica (in the winter when it's actually dark)
- Remotest locations in the Sahara (yeah, but it's a dry heat!)
- The Australian Outback (when it's not on fire)
- Atacama Desert in Chile (if you can breath at 15,000 ft above sea level)
- Summit of Hawaii's Mauna Kea (providing the clouds roll in to cover-up light pollution of the city of Hilo)
However, thanks to exhaustive and peer-reviewed research of the NPS "Night Sky Team" you too, can prove that the 4 darkest places in North America, that are still accessible by a paved road, all occur in Southern Utah. In these locations you can see 7,500 stars over the course of a dark night.
#1 Hovenweep National Monument
#2 Natural Bridges National Monument
#3 Capitol Reef National Park
#4 Bryce Canyon National Park (as nightly showcased at the Dark Ranger Observatory)
- Antarctica (in the winter when it's actually dark)
- Remotest locations in the Sahara (yeah, but it's a dry heat!)
- The Australian Outback (when it's not on fire)
- Atacama Desert in Chile (if you can breath at 15,000 ft above sea level)
- Summit of Hawaii's Mauna Kea (providing the clouds roll in to cover-up light pollution of the city of Hilo)
However, thanks to exhaustive and peer-reviewed research of the NPS "Night Sky Team" you too, can prove that the 4 darkest places in North America, that are still accessible by a paved road, all occur in Southern Utah. In these locations you can see 7,500 stars over the course of a dark night.
#1 Hovenweep National Monument
#2 Natural Bridges National Monument
#3 Capitol Reef National Park
#4 Bryce Canyon National Park (as nightly showcased at the Dark Ranger Observatory)
