Frequently Asked Questions
Below you can skim through a list of our most commonly-asked questions that cannot be easily answered elsewhere on our website. Additionally, you are welcome to use the contact form immediately below to submit your own question. We will not only answer it ASAP, but we also may paraphrase it and add to the list below if it seems like it might help others.
Which experience is better, Small Private or Public Telescope tours?
Most prefer the public tours. And mostly because they are less expensive. Our goal with public tours is to make these as educational and as social of gatherings as possible. To that end, we strive for universal appeal by striking a balance between science and history information with an entertaining delivery.
In contrast, the biggest selling point for private tours is that they are private. And because they are private we can accommodate any of our wide variety of add-ons for those attending private tours.
Our private observatory does house the largest of our BIG telescopes, the awesome TPV, but our public observatory has more of our robotic (more user friendly) BIG telescopes .
In contrast, the biggest selling point for private tours is that they are private. And because they are private we can accommodate any of our wide variety of add-ons for those attending private tours.
Our private observatory does house the largest of our BIG telescopes, the awesome TPV, but our public observatory has more of our robotic (more user friendly) BIG telescopes .
Yeah, but what if I'm a beginner? Or already very astronomically knowledgeable?
Some worry that differing levels of astronomy literacy might cause them to be mentally left behind or to be slowed down by the rest of a public tour. Even in the extreme this is unlikely. If you are a PhD Astrophysicist we can still show you the original photons you've never seen before (e.g., the original pink-tan color of Pluto and your Jupiter shadow). Some of our PhD student employees might even be willing to first-author some post-doc research of yours, if it's interesting enough? In the other extreme, even if you have never looked through a telescope before, you don't have to worry about asking dumb questions? Of course they exist! But our policy is "There's no such thing as dumb questions... when you're paying for them." We will answer your question and then elaborate so you can easily learn even more. And many times our extra knowledge will be new enough that PhD Astrophysicists will have to do some Duck-duck-going (for privacy reasons, nobody "Googles" anymore, do they?) to confirm we know what we are talking about. :-)
If you make the most of them, private telescope tours can be even more educational because they are entirely private. You won't have to wait your turn to ask as basic or as advanced of astronomy and space science questions as you want. For many, that's enough reason to pay the premium of a private tour! When and where else will you get up to 3 hours of face-to-face time with astronomy experts?
If you make the most of them, private telescope tours can be even more educational because they are entirely private. You won't have to wait your turn to ask as basic or as advanced of astronomy and space science questions as you want. For many, that's enough reason to pay the premium of a private tour! When and where else will you get up to 3 hours of face-to-face time with astronomy experts?
I don't want to learning anything. I just want to take pictures.
For influencers (and astrophotographers?) we also have the "I don't want to learn anything" option (state that request in the post-booking questionnaire). If that's your preference, we will keep things as experiential and information-less as our educational/advocacy Mission will allow. Instead of doing what we are best at, we will emphasize simple superlatives with [anti-] social media appeal that you can easily remember and recite to inspire FOMO in your face-frenemies and/or extra insta-jealousy in your "gramer" community (Yeah, but the English majors are laughing). NOTE: We can only offer an un-educational experience for private tours, because most people realize it's good to have accurate information about stuff.
If you don't tell us otherwise, we will follow the tried and true nightly format of our Public Telescope Tours, it's just that nobody else will be allowed to attend your tour (unless you want to opt-in for for the chance at $100 rebate in exchange for sharing your private tour).
If you don't tell us otherwise, we will follow the tried and true nightly format of our Public Telescope Tours, it's just that nobody else will be allowed to attend your tour (unless you want to opt-in for for the chance at $100 rebate in exchange for sharing your private tour).
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TLDR!?
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Booking our Private Observatory with a Small Private Telescope Tour is like booking an entire restaurant for just one table. Of course it's expensive! And the food will probably still taste about the same... But maybe you mostly dine out for an exclusive quality time with friends and family, instead of just the nourishment?
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Yeah, but which do the Dark Rangers prefer?
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Hey! Thanks for asking! Though we are the most knowledgeable astronomers and telescope techs you can hire for a night, we are first and foremost entertainers. Entertainers always prefer a 'big room.' So, if you want to see us at our best, because WE are having the most fun, book a public telescope tour.
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Wait! Wouldn't Large Private Telescope Tours be the best of both worlds?
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Yes! Gather the extended family and/or a bunch of friends, book a large private tour, and we will give our very best.
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We have an RV (and/or we are scared to drive in the dark), or our tour bus driver is out of hours. Do you Provide Transportation?
No. But our trusted colleagues at Bryce Canyon Scenic Tours will if you book with them early. They are known for providing excellent daytime tours of the Bryce Canyon area, but they can also do taxi by reservation. Give them enough notice, and they can often find a driver who is willing to work late enough to shuttle you to and from our observatory.
P.S. There is nothing particularly dangerous about driving the roads in the Bryce Canyon area at night. The roads don't get steeper, the turns don't get sharper after sunset. Nor do we take the guardrails down after dark and put them back up in the morning. Yes! Our roads are dark. Isn't that why you are coming to Southern Utah? To see pristine dark sky? Your roads should be dark too! Why in the hell would you light a roadway? What brands of cars are sold where headlights cost extra? I mean besides Porsche? Lighting roadways is about as helpful as making sure the light stays on in your refrigerator when the door is closed. So as long as you remember to turn your headlights on, and NOT drink & drive, you should be fine.
PRO TIP: Slow down, honk your horn, and dim your lights when you see deer near the roadway. Think about it! What is the last thing you would do when blinded? Run!? But what is the first thing you will do when you hear a scary noise? You'll jump! Steer in the opposite direction the deer jumps. NOTE: In case you have not been warned about deer and night driving before, deer are those wild, 4-legged animals, usually smaller than horses, but bigger than most dogs, that exist on 6 of the 7 continents.
P.S. There is nothing particularly dangerous about driving the roads in the Bryce Canyon area at night. The roads don't get steeper, the turns don't get sharper after sunset. Nor do we take the guardrails down after dark and put them back up in the morning. Yes! Our roads are dark. Isn't that why you are coming to Southern Utah? To see pristine dark sky? Your roads should be dark too! Why in the hell would you light a roadway? What brands of cars are sold where headlights cost extra? I mean besides Porsche? Lighting roadways is about as helpful as making sure the light stays on in your refrigerator when the door is closed. So as long as you remember to turn your headlights on, and NOT drink & drive, you should be fine.
PRO TIP: Slow down, honk your horn, and dim your lights when you see deer near the roadway. Think about it! What is the last thing you would do when blinded? Run!? But what is the first thing you will do when you hear a scary noise? You'll jump! Steer in the opposite direction the deer jumps. NOTE: In case you have not been warned about deer and night driving before, deer are those wild, 4-legged animals, usually smaller than horses, but bigger than most dogs, that exist on 6 of the 7 continents.
Why is your website so retro?
Retro? Oh you must be referring to our old-fashioned style where we use complete sentences in paragraph form? Instead of meaningless buzzwords in adjective-heavy sentence fragments? As to why we take that approach? We want to appeal to readers. Readers are learners. Dark Rangers are teachers.
Fine, but why is there so much required reading?
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Required? Of course it's not required. The reading is only advised if you want to have a good time and get your money's worth from your telescope experience.
We are only going to have the privilege of entertaining you for 2-3 hours. It's always better if we can spend less of that precious time telling you about basic, but important, preparedness things you should have already read. What's more, if you are a self-proclaimed "bucket-lister" this might be your only exposure. That's an extra obligation on us, to provide the best experience possible. Help us help you, by reading enough of our website (or even just looking at the pictures and videos) that your expectations are realistic, and you are at least aware there is such a thing as telescope etiquette. However, if you are too busy to read, you might be too busy to enjoy our authentic approach to astronomy. Other alternatives you could try first might include: - going to a planetarium (i.e. warmer, less experiential, less educational) - watching astronomy science shows on Netflix (i.e. almost as educational as we are, warmer, but less experiential, and no opportunity to ask questions of clarification and elaboration based on your level of interest) |
Authentic? Is that one of those meaningless buzzwords?
Ha! Well played. If only more of our guests read as carefully. We provide an authentic experience in lots of ways.
Our light is authentically delivered as the original photons
The particles of light our telescopes collect have a different origin than the "fake" photons shining out of the device you are reading this website on. Ours come from stars and have more interesting journeys than traveling a mere nanosecond (light travels 11 and 57/16,000 of an inch in a millionth of a second) from screen to your eye.
The photons that allow us to see the planets all started near the core of our Sun, from where it took them thousands of years to bash their way out. Once free of Sun's gravity and magnetic field, they raced away at the speed of light. The tiny percentage that happened to run into planets and bounce back precisely enough to land inside our telescopes here on Earth only traveled for light-minutes or light-hours.
In the other extreme are those photons that travel literally millions of light years, having originated from other stars in other galaxies. Those photons left their sources by the ga-gillions (technical term) with a survival rate of less than one in a billion, as they got veered off course by gravitational lensing of other galaxies, disappeared due to black holes, or were absorbed by unimaginably immense clouds of interstellar dust. The vast majority of the lucky few who make it as far as Earth, will still get refracted by the water vapor and air pollution of Earth's atmosphere. More tragically, and needlessly so, many more, in the last millionth of a second of their multi-million year journey, get cancelled-out by the nasty photons of light pollution. Only those photons that make it to the mouths of our BIG telescope are safe. Those few survivors get accumulated (i.e., made brighter) as they bounce off mirrors, reorganized to illuminate more area (i.e., magnified) as they pass through lenses, and finally plunge through your pupil. When all those carefully organized photons (because of course you did your job of adjusting the telescope focus to match your specific vision) smack you in the back of your retina, their expedition ends in a metamorphosis. The photons' energy become neurochemical pulses that your brain converts to vision and also transcribed as memory -- hopefully memories you will keep for a long time.
What could be a more authentic astronomy experience than that?
Of course authentic isn't easy. That's why some stargazing companies don't provide eyepieces you will need to focus but instead show you grainy pictures taken by cheap digital cameras inside tragically skinny tubes masquerading as telescopes. Aperture is everything in astronomy. Not only do bigger telescopes give you more memorable views, they also allow for more detailed astrophotography. Therefore if you anticipate that your memories made at the Dark Ranger Observatory could be better prolonged by memorabilia, consider purchasing our equally authentic astrophotography which is available online and in our near future gift shop.
The photons that allow us to see the planets all started near the core of our Sun, from where it took them thousands of years to bash their way out. Once free of Sun's gravity and magnetic field, they raced away at the speed of light. The tiny percentage that happened to run into planets and bounce back precisely enough to land inside our telescopes here on Earth only traveled for light-minutes or light-hours.
In the other extreme are those photons that travel literally millions of light years, having originated from other stars in other galaxies. Those photons left their sources by the ga-gillions (technical term) with a survival rate of less than one in a billion, as they got veered off course by gravitational lensing of other galaxies, disappeared due to black holes, or were absorbed by unimaginably immense clouds of interstellar dust. The vast majority of the lucky few who make it as far as Earth, will still get refracted by the water vapor and air pollution of Earth's atmosphere. More tragically, and needlessly so, many more, in the last millionth of a second of their multi-million year journey, get cancelled-out by the nasty photons of light pollution. Only those photons that make it to the mouths of our BIG telescope are safe. Those few survivors get accumulated (i.e., made brighter) as they bounce off mirrors, reorganized to illuminate more area (i.e., magnified) as they pass through lenses, and finally plunge through your pupil. When all those carefully organized photons (because of course you did your job of adjusting the telescope focus to match your specific vision) smack you in the back of your retina, their expedition ends in a metamorphosis. The photons' energy become neurochemical pulses that your brain converts to vision and also transcribed as memory -- hopefully memories you will keep for a long time.
What could be a more authentic astronomy experience than that?
Of course authentic isn't easy. That's why some stargazing companies don't provide eyepieces you will need to focus but instead show you grainy pictures taken by cheap digital cameras inside tragically skinny tubes masquerading as telescopes. Aperture is everything in astronomy. Not only do bigger telescopes give you more memorable views, they also allow for more detailed astrophotography. Therefore if you anticipate that your memories made at the Dark Ranger Observatory could be better prolonged by memorabilia, consider purchasing our equally authentic astrophotography which is available online and in our near future gift shop.
Authentically experiential:
BECAUSE IT'S COLD!
Just like all oceans are salty, and beaches often sandy, the best observatories are cold. Some astronomers house themselves and their telescopes in domes to stay warmer. We don't have domes because warm air is the enemy of viewing clarity, and because you miss every meteor and the majesty of the Milky Way from the blinders-on view of the Universe that domes provide.
BECAUSE WE ENCOURAGE ADJUSTING THE FOCUS!
Everybody's vision is slightly different, especially when using only 1 eye as you must with a telescope eyepiece. We don't know why our so-called competitors won't let you adjust the focus on their telescopes. Perhaps they book too high of a guest-to-telescope ratio? Maybe they lack the panache to talk to the whole queue instead of just the person at the telescope? Maybe they are ironically impatient astronomers? Maybe they are just bad at teaching others how to focus? Regardless, we the Dark Rangers, clearly love you more than they do! So we are going to teach you how focus each telescope to match your unique vision, just like REAL astronomers must do for themselves.
BECAUSE IT'S DARK!
We are here because it's dark, and it's dark because we are here. We are not a planetarium. Therefore there's no glowing green exit signs or aisle lights to guide you through a black-out curtain to a brightly lit snack bar. We start our shows in the twilight so that you can adjust to our authentic darkness the way humans always have = slowly. All sighted people can see in the dark. We wouldn't have made it out of Africa if we couldn't. The leopards (with some help from malaria) would have ended our ancestral species long ago.
However, if you don't own a sleeping bag, you might never have given your eye-brain system a chance to perform this routine task. It only takes about 5 minutes to obtain the first 1/3rd of your night vision. But to those who haven't experienced natural darkness, those first few minutes can be moderately terrifying. Dark Rangers are happy to share our love of a pristine starry sky, and love conquers fear. But our observatory might not be the best place to learn, for the first, time, that you might have nyctophobia.
We provide some strategically placed red lights, which don't harm night vision... as much, for basic way-finding to the extent that you won't need to bring your own red lights. What we can't abide is our guests using any non-red lights - cell phones and light-up shoes usually being the biggest offenders.
After 30 minutes you'll have 90% of your night vision and you'll be surprised by how well you can see under a naturally dark sky. The sunlight reflected from Jupiter and Venus will cause you to cast a shadow. The Milky Way is bright enough for you to detect the smile and gratitude on a loved one's face. What more do you need to see than that?
BTW one does NOT "adapt" to night vision. Adaptation, by definition, requires a genetic change. Did you learn your biology from a physicist!? You don't undergo gene therapy every time your body adjusts to a new environment. Instead, animals and plants acclimate (temporarily adjust) to the darkness as they do any other environmental stimulus. If we became "dark-adapted" we wouldn't be able to re-acclimate to daytime vision... without gene therapy reversal. Keep saying it the wrong way if you like sounding dumb. But if you train yourself to say "acclimate" instead, you'll sound smarter (at least in this one regard) than 99% of the physicists and engineers who routinely get this wrong.
Just like all oceans are salty, and beaches often sandy, the best observatories are cold. Some astronomers house themselves and their telescopes in domes to stay warmer. We don't have domes because warm air is the enemy of viewing clarity, and because you miss every meteor and the majesty of the Milky Way from the blinders-on view of the Universe that domes provide.
BECAUSE WE ENCOURAGE ADJUSTING THE FOCUS!
Everybody's vision is slightly different, especially when using only 1 eye as you must with a telescope eyepiece. We don't know why our so-called competitors won't let you adjust the focus on their telescopes. Perhaps they book too high of a guest-to-telescope ratio? Maybe they lack the panache to talk to the whole queue instead of just the person at the telescope? Maybe they are ironically impatient astronomers? Maybe they are just bad at teaching others how to focus? Regardless, we the Dark Rangers, clearly love you more than they do! So we are going to teach you how focus each telescope to match your unique vision, just like REAL astronomers must do for themselves.
BECAUSE IT'S DARK!
We are here because it's dark, and it's dark because we are here. We are not a planetarium. Therefore there's no glowing green exit signs or aisle lights to guide you through a black-out curtain to a brightly lit snack bar. We start our shows in the twilight so that you can adjust to our authentic darkness the way humans always have = slowly. All sighted people can see in the dark. We wouldn't have made it out of Africa if we couldn't. The leopards (with some help from malaria) would have ended our ancestral species long ago.
However, if you don't own a sleeping bag, you might never have given your eye-brain system a chance to perform this routine task. It only takes about 5 minutes to obtain the first 1/3rd of your night vision. But to those who haven't experienced natural darkness, those first few minutes can be moderately terrifying. Dark Rangers are happy to share our love of a pristine starry sky, and love conquers fear. But our observatory might not be the best place to learn, for the first, time, that you might have nyctophobia.
We provide some strategically placed red lights, which don't harm night vision... as much, for basic way-finding to the extent that you won't need to bring your own red lights. What we can't abide is our guests using any non-red lights - cell phones and light-up shoes usually being the biggest offenders.
After 30 minutes you'll have 90% of your night vision and you'll be surprised by how well you can see under a naturally dark sky. The sunlight reflected from Jupiter and Venus will cause you to cast a shadow. The Milky Way is bright enough for you to detect the smile and gratitude on a loved one's face. What more do you need to see than that?
BTW one does NOT "adapt" to night vision. Adaptation, by definition, requires a genetic change. Did you learn your biology from a physicist!? You don't undergo gene therapy every time your body adjusts to a new environment. Instead, animals and plants acclimate (temporarily adjust) to the darkness as they do any other environmental stimulus. If we became "dark-adapted" we wouldn't be able to re-acclimate to daytime vision... without gene therapy reversal. Keep saying it the wrong way if you like sounding dumb. But if you train yourself to say "acclimate" instead, you'll sound smarter (at least in this one regard) than 99% of the physicists and engineers who routinely get this wrong.
Authentically educational:
BECAUSE WE HAVE AN ACTIVIST MISSION:
1. Increase scientific literacy
2. Build enthusiasm for humanity becoming a spacefaring civilization
3. Heighten awareness of the evils of light pollution
Education underlies everything we do. This emphasis allows us to hire astronomy students from leading universities, vetted and trained for excellent entertainment skills, and eager to help us advance our Mission. In addition to a quick refresher on the astronomy you should have learned in 5th grade, when you book with us, you'll also learn about their cutting edge research and have a fun time doing it.
For those who are more interested in filling their Instagram than their minds, don't worry, you can always leave early before your Dark Ranger starts their presentation. However, those who both post AND read online reviews will see how most of our guests think our educational presentations are the best part of the experience. Alternatively, if you pay the premium to book one of our private tours you can opt out of a presentation component entirely. Enter the code phrase "I'm an influencer!" into the booking questionnaire, and we will try even harder to not to teach you anything.
1. Increase scientific literacy
2. Build enthusiasm for humanity becoming a spacefaring civilization
3. Heighten awareness of the evils of light pollution
Education underlies everything we do. This emphasis allows us to hire astronomy students from leading universities, vetted and trained for excellent entertainment skills, and eager to help us advance our Mission. In addition to a quick refresher on the astronomy you should have learned in 5th grade, when you book with us, you'll also learn about their cutting edge research and have a fun time doing it.
For those who are more interested in filling their Instagram than their minds, don't worry, you can always leave early before your Dark Ranger starts their presentation. However, those who both post AND read online reviews will see how most of our guests think our educational presentations are the best part of the experience. Alternatively, if you pay the premium to book one of our private tours you can opt out of a presentation component entirely. Enter the code phrase "I'm an influencer!" into the booking questionnaire, and we will try even harder to not to teach you anything.
Is the $10 Zero Gravity Lounge Chair add-on worth it?
It depends. On cold nights you won't want to sit very long if you didn't dress very warmly, and since almost nobody heeds our cautions about the cold, you probably don't want to pay the extra amount for a Zero Gravity Chair add-on during a Winter Public Telescope Tour. On full Moon nights? Also probably not? On darker nights (4 days past the full Moon to 7 days before the full Moon) they DEFINITELY are worth the money!
Regardless of how much of the Milky Way you can see on any given night, the Zero Gravity Loungers are just more comfortable then the straight-backed chairs we provide. By comparison, our regular and free amphitheater chairs are comfortable enough for watching the 20 to 30-min multimedia presentation component of the evening, however they are uncomfortable for stargazing -- no neck support. Another thing to consider is that, because we set up 1 telescope per 5-7 guests, there's so little "down time" that you have to make a conscious decision to take a break from the telescopes so you can spend quality stargazing time in your Zero Gravity chair. Parents like to use their chairs as a cozy place where their kids can sleep wrapped up in blanket so that they, the adults, can have some quality time at the telescopes as a couple.
Regardless of how much of the Milky Way you can see on any given night, the Zero Gravity Loungers are just more comfortable then the straight-backed chairs we provide. By comparison, our regular and free amphitheater chairs are comfortable enough for watching the 20 to 30-min multimedia presentation component of the evening, however they are uncomfortable for stargazing -- no neck support. Another thing to consider is that, because we set up 1 telescope per 5-7 guests, there's so little "down time" that you have to make a conscious decision to take a break from the telescopes so you can spend quality stargazing time in your Zero Gravity chair. Parents like to use their chairs as a cozy place where their kids can sleep wrapped up in blanket so that they, the adults, can have some quality time at the telescopes as a couple.
How far are you from Zion/Kanab? Because that's where we are staying.
2 hours.
Why in the world would you stay down there!? It's more crowded, more expensive, and inconveniently located on the fringe of the Colorado Plateau. Bryce Canyon aka "Center of the Universe" also happens to be in the center of Colorado Plateau. From here you can make long or short day-trips to all the lesser places: Arches, Canyonlands, Grand Canyon, Glen Canyon... oh! and of course Zion. I almost forgot about that very lesser national park.
If incorrectly imagining you can't cancel a night from your motel/hotel/resort stay in Kanab or Zion, simply book an overlapping night in the Bryce Canyon Area for the night you are stargazing with us.
Regardless of whether you are staying closer to Kanab or Zion you will have to contend with the added danger of night-driving through a countless amount of suicidal deer all along Highway 89.
NOTE: Capitol Reef National Park is the best of all these National Parks, but only share that privileged information with your very best friends. Not everybody deserves to know about how great Capitol Reef is. Capitol Reef has everything all the other Utah national parks are famous for but concentrated in a single place; AND it is MUCH closer to Bryce Canyon than it is Zion.
Why in the world would you stay down there!? It's more crowded, more expensive, and inconveniently located on the fringe of the Colorado Plateau. Bryce Canyon aka "Center of the Universe" also happens to be in the center of Colorado Plateau. From here you can make long or short day-trips to all the lesser places: Arches, Canyonlands, Grand Canyon, Glen Canyon... oh! and of course Zion. I almost forgot about that very lesser national park.
If incorrectly imagining you can't cancel a night from your motel/hotel/resort stay in Kanab or Zion, simply book an overlapping night in the Bryce Canyon Area for the night you are stargazing with us.
Regardless of whether you are staying closer to Kanab or Zion you will have to contend with the added danger of night-driving through a countless amount of suicidal deer all along Highway 89.
NOTE: Capitol Reef National Park is the best of all these National Parks, but only share that privileged information with your very best friends. Not everybody deserves to know about how great Capitol Reef is. Capitol Reef has everything all the other Utah national parks are famous for but concentrated in a single place; AND it is MUCH closer to Bryce Canyon than it is Zion.
Is your observatory wheelchair accessible?
Yes. Our handicap parking gets mobility impaired guests within 150 feet (52m) of everything: our telescopes, amphitheater/auditorium, and accessible port-a-potty. It helps if you have an outdoor wheelchair, one with wide enough tires that can be pushed across hard-packed gravel. If you don't, we can loan you ours, but we only have the one, so let us know as soon as you can if you need to reserve it for a particular night (no extra charge).
Please forgive Southern Utah. Despite being 90% a tourism economy, and on so many Earthlings' bucket list, our region is not as welcoming to the mobility challenged as we should be [sigh]. Until we discover some mobility-friendly travel advice specific to Southern Utah, a thoughtful reader recommended this.
In an effort to be the change we want to see in this little part of our world, DRTT has commissioned the engineering and manufacturing of a special wheelchair accessible telescope. Getting a BIG telescope's eyepiece consistently low enough to the ground to be used in a seated position, while still allowing the telescope to point to any location in the sky, and track with Earth's rotation, has proven to be an even trickier problem than we realized. We hope to take delivery and install this wonderful instrument in late 2025.
In the meantime, know that if a person can stand briefly by leaning against one of our heavy duty step ladders (as we recommend EVERYBODY to do for best seeing results), then most of our telescopes will work for them. However, for those who are unable to stand, we can set up a special portable (but still BIG) telescope that can be used from a seated position -- just let us know 48 hours in advance, and it never hurts to remind us the day of your tour. Don't hesitate to ask! We want everybody to feel like this is their Universe to see too!
Well... except maybe astrologers? Don't they already have their own alternate Universe that they live in? Don't you wish they spent more time there? :-)
Please forgive Southern Utah. Despite being 90% a tourism economy, and on so many Earthlings' bucket list, our region is not as welcoming to the mobility challenged as we should be [sigh]. Until we discover some mobility-friendly travel advice specific to Southern Utah, a thoughtful reader recommended this.
In an effort to be the change we want to see in this little part of our world, DRTT has commissioned the engineering and manufacturing of a special wheelchair accessible telescope. Getting a BIG telescope's eyepiece consistently low enough to the ground to be used in a seated position, while still allowing the telescope to point to any location in the sky, and track with Earth's rotation, has proven to be an even trickier problem than we realized. We hope to take delivery and install this wonderful instrument in late 2025.
In the meantime, know that if a person can stand briefly by leaning against one of our heavy duty step ladders (as we recommend EVERYBODY to do for best seeing results), then most of our telescopes will work for them. However, for those who are unable to stand, we can set up a special portable (but still BIG) telescope that can be used from a seated position -- just let us know 48 hours in advance, and it never hurts to remind us the day of your tour. Don't hesitate to ask! We want everybody to feel like this is their Universe to see too!
Well... except maybe astrologers? Don't they already have their own alternate Universe that they live in? Don't you wish they spent more time there? :-)
Are pets allowed at the Dark Ranger Observatory?
To put it simply, probably not. Your pet(s) are CERTAINLY welcome to remain in your car, in our parking lot (after having a brief bio-break in the brushy outskirts of our parking lot). They are discouraged at the facility itself.
Unless your pet:
a) is a Service Animal and specifically dog or a miniature horse functioning in accordance with ADA rules and guidelines.
b) is an obviously well trained and well behaved 'emotional support animal.' NOTE: this class of animal, aka "bullshit service animal" has no protection under the law. Nevertheless they will be welcomed providing the animal:
- stays on a < 2-meter leash. Longer leashes don't express freedom, but only confess a lack of control.
- if it is a "purse dog" it also must be on a leash. If a purse isn't too confining, neither is a 6-foot or shorter leash.
- is not a negative or positive distraction. Our observatory's purpose is astronomy, not to be a petting zoo.
- has a compliant handler who will not need to be told twice when it's time to take the pet back to the car.
c) is part of a private tour who have alerted us that you will be bringing your well-behaved dog/cat. With prior approval we might also be interested in meeting your more exotic animal(s) as long as your horse, falcon, parrot, ferret, otter, bear, bison, rhino, orangutan, camel named Clyde, etc. is unlikely to 'mark', climb on, or rub up against our telescopes. And because nobody wants your pet to be harmed or eaten by our wild mountain lions, coyotes, owls, or badgers, leashes/leads are still required. Clyde can have 7-ft long one though, because he is very tall.
Know anybody with a couple of well-trained Bactrians for sale? If so, let's talk!
True, we wish to be courteous to our other paying guests who may have unknown but potential allergies or pet-phobias. But mainly, we strive to provide the ultimate Earth-based telescope experience. For most, this will be their first premium astronomy and pristine night sky immersion. For some it might even be a transformational moment. Obviously we don't want anything like barking dogs, whistling parrots, owners calling into the darkness after indifferent cats, leashes wrapped around human and/or telescope legs, and countless other distractions and detractions that you might not be able to imagine, but we nevertheless have experienced. Not wanting to risk such disruptions is the main reason why we don't even allow our own dogs to be in the amphitheater or among the telescopes.
Our two Great Danes, Otis and Onix (yes, for the Pokemon, not the gem) have the run of the place, because they help with security and literally keep the coyotes at bay. They are trained to patrol the perimeter. So, unless you specifically request to meet them and you are willing to hang around while we are closing for the night, it's very unlikely you will see or even hear them when the observatory is "in show."
Unless your pet:
a) is a Service Animal and specifically dog or a miniature horse functioning in accordance with ADA rules and guidelines.
b) is an obviously well trained and well behaved 'emotional support animal.' NOTE: this class of animal, aka "bullshit service animal" has no protection under the law. Nevertheless they will be welcomed providing the animal:
- stays on a < 2-meter leash. Longer leashes don't express freedom, but only confess a lack of control.
- if it is a "purse dog" it also must be on a leash. If a purse isn't too confining, neither is a 6-foot or shorter leash.
- is not a negative or positive distraction. Our observatory's purpose is astronomy, not to be a petting zoo.
- has a compliant handler who will not need to be told twice when it's time to take the pet back to the car.
c) is part of a private tour who have alerted us that you will be bringing your well-behaved dog/cat. With prior approval we might also be interested in meeting your more exotic animal(s) as long as your horse, falcon, parrot, ferret, otter, bear, bison, rhino, orangutan, camel named Clyde, etc. is unlikely to 'mark', climb on, or rub up against our telescopes. And because nobody wants your pet to be harmed or eaten by our wild mountain lions, coyotes, owls, or badgers, leashes/leads are still required. Clyde can have 7-ft long one though, because he is very tall.
Know anybody with a couple of well-trained Bactrians for sale? If so, let's talk!
True, we wish to be courteous to our other paying guests who may have unknown but potential allergies or pet-phobias. But mainly, we strive to provide the ultimate Earth-based telescope experience. For most, this will be their first premium astronomy and pristine night sky immersion. For some it might even be a transformational moment. Obviously we don't want anything like barking dogs, whistling parrots, owners calling into the darkness after indifferent cats, leashes wrapped around human and/or telescope legs, and countless other distractions and detractions that you might not be able to imagine, but we nevertheless have experienced. Not wanting to risk such disruptions is the main reason why we don't even allow our own dogs to be in the amphitheater or among the telescopes.
Our two Great Danes, Otis and Onix (yes, for the Pokemon, not the gem) have the run of the place, because they help with security and literally keep the coyotes at bay. They are trained to patrol the perimeter. So, unless you specifically request to meet them and you are willing to hang around while we are closing for the night, it's very unlikely you will see or even hear them when the observatory is "in show."
Is it true that you offer free hot drinks every night?
Yes, every night it's not too cloudy to open up. We offer help-yourself, hot chocolate, cider, coffee, and what we Americans call "tea." For obvious reasons, neither children nor adults are allowed to have beverages in the immediate vicinity of the telescopes.
Refills are also free while hot water lasts, but you should reuse the same cup. So as to encourage a conservation ethic, extra cups cost $10,000 and full payment must be made via Paypal. That way we can easily donate your extra cup payment to theoceancleanup.com.
Refills are also free while hot water lasts, but you should reuse the same cup. So as to encourage a conservation ethic, extra cups cost $10,000 and full payment must be made via Paypal. That way we can easily donate your extra cup payment to theoceancleanup.com.
Is food available at the Dark Ranger Observatory?
\No. Indeed you are only allowed to consume your own food in your car, in our parking lot. In addition to protecting our telescopes from salty, sticky, or greasy hands, we have to keep the facility food-free. Our observatory is located on the prairie-forest habitat interface. We can't risk crumbs or even food odors attracting wild animals. Real Dark Rangers live nearby and they don't want to sublet to bears, mountain lions, mice, or hanta virus.
Is smoking allowed at the Dark Ranger Observatory?
Absolutely not! All smoking/vaping is restricted to our parking lot. Even when it can be confirmed that smoking may not offend a single guest, (perhaps in the extreme example of a private tour consisting of only Indonesian men or old people from France or the Balkans) we still prohibit smoking from anywhere near our telescopes. Smoke readily damages the sensitive optics, sometimes beyond the ability of even a professional cleaning to restore.
Can we consume alcohol at the Dark Ranger Observatory?
No, at this time we do not have even a beer/wine liquor license. This means we do not serve alcohol AND you cannot even BYOB of your own alcohol on the premises including our parking lot, even if it is well disguised and discretely consumed. It is not widely known, but easy to confirm, that Utah breweries, wineries, and even distilleries exist, all producing truly excellent alcoholic products (we are happy to recommend our favorites). Ironically, the consumption of those products is strictly regulated everywhere in Utah - even on private property. What's more, in Utah, DUIs begin at 0.05% alcohol! Sorry to disappoint, but "we" Utahans aren't apparently as 'freedom-loving' as we pretend to be.
Exception: With prior approval and when consistent with Utah law pertaining to private events, those who book a private tour may supply their own alcohol at our private observatory, where there is an established guest list. Examples might include a business party, or a wedding. Did I mention that 0.05% is the Utah definition of under the influence?
NOTE: clarity of vision is the first thing to be compromised by alcohol. Like grandma always said, "Drinking to go stargazing is like having sex to get a disease!"
Easy there... If you are worried your kids might have also just read that shocking line, loosen your grip on your pearls for a minute, because first of all, you're welcome for our responsible parenting assistance! AND if your kids actually read, then you are already great parent(s) and have nothing to worry about. We might even tip one back in your honor... after we are done stargazing, of course.
Exception: With prior approval and when consistent with Utah law pertaining to private events, those who book a private tour may supply their own alcohol at our private observatory, where there is an established guest list. Examples might include a business party, or a wedding. Did I mention that 0.05% is the Utah definition of under the influence?
NOTE: clarity of vision is the first thing to be compromised by alcohol. Like grandma always said, "Drinking to go stargazing is like having sex to get a disease!"
Easy there... If you are worried your kids might have also just read that shocking line, loosen your grip on your pearls for a minute, because first of all, you're welcome for our responsible parenting assistance! AND if your kids actually read, then you are already great parent(s) and have nothing to worry about. We might even tip one back in your honor... after we are done stargazing, of course.
Wait! You do weddings? Can we be married by a Dark Ranger?
Yes! We are not only happy to host receptions, Kevin "The Dark Ranger" Poe is licensed to officiate weddings in the State of Utah and can be contracted to perform an inspirational, creative, but secular (non-religious) ceremony. Email or call for more information.
Is it okay to tip our Dark Ranger(s)?
Absolutely! Assuming we have provided you with excellent service.
For the record, Dark Rangers are paid a living wage. Unlike minimum or below minimum wage earners they don't need tips to stave off starvation or to pay rent upon returning to their universities where slum-lord Boomers feel they have to charge more than the actual mortgage because of tax breaks for mortgages and bad investment losses, plus social security just doesn't steal enough wealth from younger generations.
What's more, if you are the kind U.S. Congressperson who keeps voting against increasing the minimum wage while also enjoying Universal Free Health Care and yet also voting against that human right for your constituents so you can feel even more superior to those who elect you than what your huge salary and legalized bribery already provide in exchange for "work" that most couldn't possibly mistake for work, don't bother tipping. Just knowing we had the opportunity to share with you "the cosmic perspective" so you can see how you might become a less evil person is all the gratuity enough.
But for the rest, cash in a handshake is preferred because it allows us to thank the gratuity-giver by asking, "What was your favorite part?" and hopefully that gains us something even more valuable: feedback.
But since only cool people carry tip money these days, you can also venmo us @DarkRangerTipJar
(DarkRanger TelescopeTours). Be sure to specify the Dark Ranger(s) first name so your $ goes to the right person. Personal descriptions of people you met in the dark might not be sufficient. Besides almost half of us have "Long hair and a beard."
For the record, Dark Rangers are paid a living wage. Unlike minimum or below minimum wage earners they don't need tips to stave off starvation or to pay rent upon returning to their universities where slum-lord Boomers feel they have to charge more than the actual mortgage because of tax breaks for mortgages and bad investment losses, plus social security just doesn't steal enough wealth from younger generations.
What's more, if you are the kind U.S. Congressperson who keeps voting against increasing the minimum wage while also enjoying Universal Free Health Care and yet also voting against that human right for your constituents so you can feel even more superior to those who elect you than what your huge salary and legalized bribery already provide in exchange for "work" that most couldn't possibly mistake for work, don't bother tipping. Just knowing we had the opportunity to share with you "the cosmic perspective" so you can see how you might become a less evil person is all the gratuity enough.
But for the rest, cash in a handshake is preferred because it allows us to thank the gratuity-giver by asking, "What was your favorite part?" and hopefully that gains us something even more valuable: feedback.
But since only cool people carry tip money these days, you can also venmo us @DarkRangerTipJar
(DarkRanger TelescopeTours). Be sure to specify the Dark Ranger(s) first name so your $ goes to the right person. Personal descriptions of people you met in the dark might not be sufficient. Besides almost half of us have "Long hair and a beard."
I agree with www.okboomer.com who says restaurants should pay their employees more! And the price of eggs is already too high! Plus I'm retired and that means I'm on a fixed income!
Lot to unpack here eh? 1) Dark Ranger Telescope Tours doesn't serve food, just free drinks, and you are Welcome! Indeed we'd rather you didn't even bring your own food. 2) How can a restaurant pay their employees more when you are already whining about the price of eggs...?
Anyway... Dark Rangers are paid a living wage (by Utah public school educator standards), so tips are not expected, but nevertheless they are twice valued. First, when you realize a tip is simply a thank-you gift to a stranger for excellent service, it’s easy to understand how both guide and guest are rewarded from the exchange. Second, it facilitates interaction between presenter and attendee. This is why cash is preferred, because it allows us to thank the gratuity-giver by asking, "What was your favorite part?" and hopefully getting something even more valuable: feedback. Here's a "tip" you won't read on okboomer.com: You could fix your fixed-income problem by taking a part time job in the service industry so you could continue being a contributing member of society after "retirement." Then, when you provided excellent service, you too could earn gratuity -- think of all the disposable income! First of all thanks for punching up! But I work in the hospitality industry too and I need my tips, so much so, that even a public tour Dark Ranger ticket is expensive to me. How can I say thanks without tipping?
You already have! Thank you for your service. Just tell us what your favorite part of the experience was when you say good night. That might be an even more valuable "tip."
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We booked a 9pm Telescope Tour. What time should we be there?
9:00pm.
Unless you anticipate that you will need extra time to put on your swim fins or ice skates (depending on the season), then you should ONLY arrive 15-minutes early.
Seriously folks, we don't know why many in the tourism industry have decided to publish both arrival and start times. Perhaps they feel the world has not yet achieved maximum etiquette saturation and burdensome complications. At the Dark Ranger Observatory the start time is the published start time (unless we have to delay 30-60 minutes for weather, in which case you will be notified). Check your email and text messages 6-7:30pm for weather updates.
If you anticipate you'll arrive late, just let us know with a simple text message, and we will try catch you up when you arrive. We never want our guests to "rush" when driving on unfamiliar roads is a factor.
On the other hand, if you arrive very early...
Unless you anticipate that you will need extra time to put on your swim fins or ice skates (depending on the season), then you should ONLY arrive 15-minutes early.
Seriously folks, we don't know why many in the tourism industry have decided to publish both arrival and start times. Perhaps they feel the world has not yet achieved maximum etiquette saturation and burdensome complications. At the Dark Ranger Observatory the start time is the published start time (unless we have to delay 30-60 minutes for weather, in which case you will be notified). Check your email and text messages 6-7:30pm for weather updates.
If you anticipate you'll arrive late, just let us know with a simple text message, and we will try catch you up when you arrive. We never want our guests to "rush" when driving on unfamiliar roads is a factor.
On the other hand, if you arrive very early...
Is it true that we will be yelled at if we show up too early?
Well... I wouldn't say "yelled"... and certainly not if you are only 15-minutes early. But if 20+ minutes is your definition of "fashionably early" you might get snarky welcomes like:
"Hi! I see you didn't have any trouble finding the place."
"We'll check you in a few minutes... Telescopes come first. If we are not careful, early arrivals result in late starts..."
"Oh hello! Pro tip: the only reward for being this early is that you get to enjoy the cold a lot longer."
"Look at you! XX minutes early! It's a good thing this isn't a dinner party..."
The good news is that our therapists are teaching us to imagine that disruptively early arrivals ARE NOT stress-inducing trespasses, rushing us thru our complicated telescope preparatory procedures and thus hastening the difficult Dark Ranger transition from technophile to entertainer before we are ready; but instead, merely a measure of enthusiasm on the part of our guests.
So, if you are worried about finding our observatory (and yet bizarrely insist on trying to do so with Waze maps whose business model appears to be "let's let people who don't already know how to get from Point A to Point B make recommendations for others who also can't read maps"), just know that if you arrive at our closed gate, you are at least 1 hr early, and that only 2 miles back the way you came (unless you used Waze), is the Pines Restaurant where they serve excellent pie.
After we open the gate, we enthusiastically want you to know that our parking lot is the perfect place for you to catch up on your correspondence, do more vacation planning, or if all such pastimes are complete, re-read our verbose but nevertheless informative website... you know, at least until 15 minutes before showtime. :-)
"Hi! I see you didn't have any trouble finding the place."
"We'll check you in a few minutes... Telescopes come first. If we are not careful, early arrivals result in late starts..."
"Oh hello! Pro tip: the only reward for being this early is that you get to enjoy the cold a lot longer."
"Look at you! XX minutes early! It's a good thing this isn't a dinner party..."
The good news is that our therapists are teaching us to imagine that disruptively early arrivals ARE NOT stress-inducing trespasses, rushing us thru our complicated telescope preparatory procedures and thus hastening the difficult Dark Ranger transition from technophile to entertainer before we are ready; but instead, merely a measure of enthusiasm on the part of our guests.
So, if you are worried about finding our observatory (and yet bizarrely insist on trying to do so with Waze maps whose business model appears to be "let's let people who don't already know how to get from Point A to Point B make recommendations for others who also can't read maps"), just know that if you arrive at our closed gate, you are at least 1 hr early, and that only 2 miles back the way you came (unless you used Waze), is the Pines Restaurant where they serve excellent pie.
After we open the gate, we enthusiastically want you to know that our parking lot is the perfect place for you to catch up on your correspondence, do more vacation planning, or if all such pastimes are complete, re-read our verbose but nevertheless informative website... you know, at least until 15 minutes before showtime. :-)
But what if we just want extra time to hang and geek-out with some Dark Rangers?
Ahhh... aren't you adorable. Don't come early. Stay late instead.
We are much more fun and relaxed when we're packing up our telescopes than when we are frantically setting up. AND if you are also fun, we'll show you special astronomical objects, the kind that lead to more technical conversations (e.g., Fermi Paradox, Dark Matter & Dark Energy, Big Bang, Meaning of Life, Why Michael Keaton will always be the best Batman, etc.) BTW it's called "Staying after the Credits" One of our biggest fans coined that phrase about the benefits of staying late. Just realize most of us Dark Rangers, also have day jobs. It's a tourism economy. EVERYBODY has to work at least 2 jobs! So when we are done with you, even if you aren't done with us, we will politely let you know. |
Is it true you make fun of Moon Landing Denialists and Astrologers every night?
No. Not every night. Some nights it's so cloudy we don't even open the observatory.
Dark Rangers® are educators and entertainers. As educators, we endeavor to convert scholarly research into useful, or at least interesting, information. As entertainers, we know a galaxy of fun helps scientific literacy rise. With us, you'll actually be rewarded for asking so-called "dumb questions" because we "answer-and..." which means when you ask your question we're going to answer and then elaborate with something related that few others know, so everybody benefits from your brave curiosity. For example, if you ask if our Sun is a star, we'll answer "Yes!" and then turn to the eye-rollers (yes, we can see that well in the dark, we are Dark Rangers!) next to you and add, "But most people don't know the technical difference between a planet and star, do you?" And then we will tease the eye-roller, instead of you, when they answer incorrectly. Because that's more educational, and fun... for everybody.
Ignorance isn't our enemy, but misinformation is. And as Sun Tzu teaches, we work hard to know the enemy. We will only need about 11 seconds to correctly determine if you have come to the DRO to learn for yourself, or to unlearn others. And if it's the latter, that's when our good-natured humor (even if sarcastic), will become more pointed -- not at you, but aimed with deadly accuracy at your misinformation. We won't inspire the audience to laugh at you, but we will get them chuckling about your beliefs.
If an astrologer asks a Dark Ranger what his/her/their sign is, you are going to hear Dad-joke answers like "Stop", "Do not enter", or "No peeing in the pool." No matter how graciously the astrologer laughs along with other listeners, if that initial warning is somehow missed and the astrologer bangs on about traits or horoscopes, the next joke is only going to be funny for everybody else.
"Did you know that our Sun travels for only 6 days in the Constellation Scorpius but fully 43 days in both Virgo and Libra? And yet all three are assigned 29 days in the Zodiac calendar. If their observations of orbital mechanics and time keeping is that bad, what does that suggest about their power of prediction?"
If it seems like a demonstration is necessary, a Dark Ranger might ask "Who has a birthday coming soon?" and then will point out the associated constellation of the Zodiac with a green laser. Then the Dark Ranger will explain how our Sun was in "your" constellation on the day you were born. The punchline will be handing the green laser to the Astrologer (or maybe the person with the upcoming birthday) and asking "Now please point to where the Sun is hiding in your 'sign'." And of course since our Sun set 2 hours prior, it won't be in your constellation.
After an uncomfortable pause, the Dark Ranger might elaborate with some educational humor like "Astrologers, who are supposed to be able to predict the future based on the positions of the planets, nevertheless failed to divine in advance or even notice as it was happening, how this planet we all live on has a wobble to its axis that causes the constellations to wander about the calendar. That's not just failing to keep up with 'current' events, it's a double grift when you are reading your clients the wrong horoscope based on the birth chart you made for them. For example, those who are born in early June (since about 500 A.D.) are NOT really Geminis, but were instead born under the sign of Taurus or Ares. And you know what that MEANS?" finishing loudly enough to alert the other Dark Rangers who then shout in unison: "Absolutely Nothing!"
"That's Right! Some people can afford to be ENTERTAINED by astrology, but nobody can afford to be INFORMED by astrology, because astrology predicts absolutely nothing."
Dark Rangers® are educators and entertainers. As educators, we endeavor to convert scholarly research into useful, or at least interesting, information. As entertainers, we know a galaxy of fun helps scientific literacy rise. With us, you'll actually be rewarded for asking so-called "dumb questions" because we "answer-and..." which means when you ask your question we're going to answer and then elaborate with something related that few others know, so everybody benefits from your brave curiosity. For example, if you ask if our Sun is a star, we'll answer "Yes!" and then turn to the eye-rollers (yes, we can see that well in the dark, we are Dark Rangers!) next to you and add, "But most people don't know the technical difference between a planet and star, do you?" And then we will tease the eye-roller, instead of you, when they answer incorrectly. Because that's more educational, and fun... for everybody.
Ignorance isn't our enemy, but misinformation is. And as Sun Tzu teaches, we work hard to know the enemy. We will only need about 11 seconds to correctly determine if you have come to the DRO to learn for yourself, or to unlearn others. And if it's the latter, that's when our good-natured humor (even if sarcastic), will become more pointed -- not at you, but aimed with deadly accuracy at your misinformation. We won't inspire the audience to laugh at you, but we will get them chuckling about your beliefs.
If an astrologer asks a Dark Ranger what his/her/their sign is, you are going to hear Dad-joke answers like "Stop", "Do not enter", or "No peeing in the pool." No matter how graciously the astrologer laughs along with other listeners, if that initial warning is somehow missed and the astrologer bangs on about traits or horoscopes, the next joke is only going to be funny for everybody else.
"Did you know that our Sun travels for only 6 days in the Constellation Scorpius but fully 43 days in both Virgo and Libra? And yet all three are assigned 29 days in the Zodiac calendar. If their observations of orbital mechanics and time keeping is that bad, what does that suggest about their power of prediction?"
If it seems like a demonstration is necessary, a Dark Ranger might ask "Who has a birthday coming soon?" and then will point out the associated constellation of the Zodiac with a green laser. Then the Dark Ranger will explain how our Sun was in "your" constellation on the day you were born. The punchline will be handing the green laser to the Astrologer (or maybe the person with the upcoming birthday) and asking "Now please point to where the Sun is hiding in your 'sign'." And of course since our Sun set 2 hours prior, it won't be in your constellation.
After an uncomfortable pause, the Dark Ranger might elaborate with some educational humor like "Astrologers, who are supposed to be able to predict the future based on the positions of the planets, nevertheless failed to divine in advance or even notice as it was happening, how this planet we all live on has a wobble to its axis that causes the constellations to wander about the calendar. That's not just failing to keep up with 'current' events, it's a double grift when you are reading your clients the wrong horoscope based on the birth chart you made for them. For example, those who are born in early June (since about 500 A.D.) are NOT really Geminis, but were instead born under the sign of Taurus or Ares. And you know what that MEANS?" finishing loudly enough to alert the other Dark Rangers who then shout in unison: "Absolutely Nothing!"
"That's Right! Some people can afford to be ENTERTAINED by astrology, but nobody can afford to be INFORMED by astrology, because astrology predicts absolutely nothing."
Okay, but why do you have to be Jerks about it?! Nobody likes to be laughed at!
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Well, for starters, astronomers ARE jerks. Not all of us, of course. It the 96% that give the rest of us a bad name :-). Secondly, because nobody, except of course comedians, likes to be laughed at, is exactly why we use humor to curtail the spread of misinformation.
More to your larger question: because we strive to be as entertaining as we are informative, some of us study humor like we study physics. Therefore, we know that most humor is about either elevating somebody up or putting somebody down. Consequently we make up jokes about everybody and everything. But we try to only make down jokes about conspiracy theories, magical thinking, and ideologies that are antithetical to our Mission. Like any organization we choose a Mission we can be good at, so we can feel good about serving our Mission. Dark Rangers® seek to: 1. Increase scientific literacy through space science 2. Build enthusiasm for humanity becoming a spacefaring civilization, 3. Heighten awareness of the evils of light pollution. Scorn and ridicule are cruel, and outright arguing is tedious and barbaric, we take the 3rd option -- retorting with humor. Teasing might not be the most charitable way to disagree, but certainly it's the most effective. Laughter is not just the best medicine, it's also the best vaccine against the growing pandemic of conspiracy theories and other such nonsense. It's harder to proselytize your outlandish beliefs when others are laughing at them. Conspiracy theories appeal because they offer the thrill of amassing secret knowledge, the sense of belonging that comes from loving or hating the same things as others in the tribe, and the hero-complex created when one imagines they are protecting their tribe by taking bold actions against an alleged evil. All those things are fueled by infectious fears designed to gin people up. Reason, on the other hand, by definition, is the act of calming people down. For that reason, one of the few basal emotions science advocates are allowed (i.e., deemed social acceptable) to brandish is humor. Jokes have the power to laugh away fears. Laughter, unlike anger, is only contagious when everybody understands the joke and so humor encourages listening and learning. Rabble-rousing only needs to be loud and repetitive. Humor works best when it's subtle and original. Argumentative types only need snippets of their argument to resonate, to be heard. Perhaps just a simple applause line or reciting a bumper sticker might be enough. But to understand the counter-point a funny scientist is trying to make, you have hear the setup, follow the build-up, and catch the punchline. Exactly unlike comedians, we don't treat every disagreement as a "heckle." We encourage questions and comments, and we might even laugh at your jokes harder than you do at ours -- exactly like comedians never do. All of this is because we are NOT comedians but educators. We mainly tell jokes to make our science better listened to, understood, and hopefully remembered. But when a true heckler maliciously challenges us to explain why there aren't any stars in the sky of the pictures "allegedly" taken from the surface of our Moon by Apollo astronauts, as proof the landings were faked in a film studio, we will reply "Uh, because it was daytime." And after a comedic pause, "Have you seen any pictures of daytime stars taken from Earth? Pretty hard to do that from the surface of either world, because we share that same star we call our Sun. And, since it's only 8-light minutes away, whenever our Sun is above the horizon, it is going to outshine all those that are light years away. Nobody makes as much light pollution as our Sun!" And we will be ready to move on to the next topic before the laughter even dies down. However, if the heckler regroups or doubles down, one or more Dark Rangers might deliver a barrage of facts disguised as sarcastic questions. That's more educational for everybody including the heckler. And fun for everybody, except maybe the heckler? "Do you think the Sun makes the sky blue? Wrong. It's the combination of nitrogen and oxygen in our atmosphere scattering and then absorbing all other frequencies of optical light except blue." "You know our Moon has no atmosphere right? Okay, then what is the color of nothing?" "Nope, not white! White is the color of all light being reflected. Light can't reflect off of nothing. Therefore the color of nothing is black. Earth's atmosphere is full of gases (mostly nitrogen) so it has color in the daylight. Moon's sky has nothing, so even in broad daylight, it is also black." "Daytime lasts 14 days on our Moon. All landings during lunar morning so they could get best light for photography and use solar panels. Solar panels were invented by Americans in 1954. Solar power was only one of a hundred reasons why none of the Apollo landings occurred during lunar night." "Think about how cold-tolerant flashlight batteries were in 1969? Would you want to stumble around in -280F total darkness trying to guide yourself with the light from a "dead-battery holder", and only the light of a full Earth to guide you? Just so you can get pictures of stars from our Moon's nighttime surface? Remember that lunar nights are also 14 Earth days long." "You are asking the wrong question and disproving your conspiracy theory. Only IF there were stars in the Apollo pictures would a thinking person suspect the Moon landings were faked." 
But since we are not Wardpack Demons (Wizard's Crown anybody?), we won't keep stealing life from a dead horse. In the scenario above, hopefully we won't have to go past the friendly reminder that we also can't see stars in the daytime sky on Earth. Once the misinformation has been rendered non-infectious, we'll go right back to just trying to make real astronomy information fun and meaningful.
"Speaking of, did you know the far side of the Moon would be the very best place in our Solar System to do radio astronomy... day or night?" Or we might stoop to capitalize on the necessity of making fun of a Moon hoax-er's belief, by also trying to sell an appropriate poster or the T-shirt version. 'So there's a secret 4th part of your mission and it is to attack conspiracy theories?
Nope! I don't like where this line of questioning is going. You are missing the point. Our 4th "unwritten goal" is to make money so that we can do all 3 parts of our mission well. No science entertainer / educator makes money by arguing with the defiantly misinformed. Okay... well maybe Neil deGrasse Tyson does? But if one day he finally accepts our invitation to guest-entertain at the Dark Ranger Observatory and he wastes time picking fights with imaginary people or ideas that aren't even in attendance instead of igniting curiosity and helping all revel in the majesty of our near pristine sky, we'll be asking for his huge honorarium back and dividing it equally among those in attendance. Dark Rangers would rather earn your money and your appreciation by illuminating instead of diminishing. Except of course when it literally comes to light pollution we are all about diminishing that purveyor of evil.
Here's where it all comes together. Conspiracy theories make everybody poorer. They demotivate you from seeking real knowledge. They seek to supplant your dearest and deepest friendships with superficial frenemies. They take your literal money and precious time and leave you with nothing more than anger, sadness, distrust, and paranoia. We pick our battles. We only have a dog in a few of these fights about who and what should you trust and believe. For example we don't care who killed JFK, because that has little to do with our Mission. Wait! He was pretending he cared (mainly just trying to win the Cold War) about getting us to the Moon. Oh!? Hey you guys! I bet it was those murderous flat-Earthers that got him! Too soon? Make no mistake, we think of conspiracy theories as getting a flat tire. If it doesn't send you careening into the ditch, it's still going to make you late to the party. Conspiracy theories don't just slow YOU down, they grid-lock the flow of progress. We might never be able to recruit enough Dark Rangers to become society’s tow truck, but whenever we see these jerks throwing nails out on the information super-highways upon which we all travel, and as Dark Rangers try to chauffeur our paying customers, we are going to pull over, turn on our flasher, and direct traffic to steer clear of those shysters. Then we are going to try to get the whole spherical planet to join us in laughing at their failed attempts to keep us ignorant. When they retreat in shame, we are going pick up all those damn nails and put them to some good use… I don’t know! Uh... build some real knowledge, or something... I guess? Here's where the analogy sort of starts to inspire "range anxiety" (aka "runs out of gas", for you cavemen still driving ICE cars). How much business do you think you lose when you alienate potential paying customers with your aggressive agenda?
Are you really asking scientists to measure the presence of an absence as if it were proof of the absence of presence? But let's consider the last part of your question first:
Agenda? Of course it is NOT an agenda! Agendas, in the connotation you are implying, are self-serving and clandestine, with their true goals hidden behind strategic misdirection. Think of The Heartland Institute. Missions, on the other hand, are forthright, transparent, and tackle unprofitable issues. Think Médecins Sans Frontières (Doctors Without Borders). Climate denialists are sneaky. Mission-aries (of all stripes and creeds) are OBVIOUS! And though we Dark Rangers are not doing anything nearly so heroic as saving lives in developing countries, and/or trying to contain virions before they can trigger pandemics, we still strive to name who we are, and live up to our name. So, Mission. As to loss of business? We are a for-profit business. Nobody throws money at us with extra motivation of slipping into a lower tax bracket. Our guests get what they pay for by attending, and they pay for what they expect they will get, based on our reputation. So apparently our Mission doesn't hinder our ability to finance the advancement of our Mission. Cuz, you know... we are still here! Since the last time this page was updated, we are still the top-ranked telescope experience world wide (according to TripAdvisor). As you may have noticed we have some scornful social media reviews, seldom from customers, but occasionally randos will find some sentences on this website that trigger them -- bless their snowflake little hearts. Maybe they are trying to dethrone us, maybe they just have "agendas?" "Alienate?" Interesting choice of words. Mind if I change the subject with some word play? 'Cuz I need to grind this axe too! Don't even get us started on Space Aliens or immigration. If we are ever suddenly nuked by an advance civilization who didn't bother to make "First Contact", it's probably because they have been monitoring our policy on "illegal aliens." and what we choose to do unto the least of me [us] (Matthew 25:40). Suffice it to say "Nope, none of us Dark Rangers have ever seen anything 'we couldn't quite explain.'" But since we are only looking up 3-4 hours every night, 300 nights a year for most of our collective lives... maybe we are just bad at our jobs? Maybe we are unlucky? Certainly all that experience has caused us to see plenty of stuff 'you couldn't explain.' Wait until you see your first flock of American white-pelicans migrating at night! You'll be whining in terror to a 911 operator. In the last decade just about every amateur astronomer and their dog has purchased a wide-field little refracting telescope (or those crappy digital cameras vaguely assuming the shape of a telescope) and points it at the night sky to take the same picture of the same several 100 nebulae everybody else has also imaged. But if they get enough frames they might be lucky enough catch a unique meteor zipping through, which suddenly makes their image of any particular nebula everybody else also photographed all the more marketable. For obviously reasons, jets and satellites add no value. But you know what would make just one of the millions of these redundant nebulae images world famous and profitable enough to afford buying as many research-grade BIG telescopes like DRTT has? The one who catches an alien spaceship passing through when those silly space aliens forgot to turn off their cloaking device! With a 100,000 of these astrophotography set-ups imaging every section of sky all night, every night, across the globe and still no space aliens? Well, maybe we Dark Rangers aren't the only ones who are bad at their jobs? LOL! Conversely, if you want, we can probably provide you with soul-crushing, boring alternative explanations for your best space alien sightings. If you don't want to have that potentially life-altering / life-defining moment explained away, don't share it with us. If instead, it would help you sleep better at night, we will do our ding-dang best to demystify it for you. And if you feel you must tell us your abduction story(ies), please wait until "after the credits." That way when you get weird, we can politely say "Well, this is when the boss wants us to start packing up telescopes sooOOOooo..." All joking aside, it is entirely possible you had a traumatic experience compounded by an unhealthy state of mind, that may or may not have been enhanced by drugs or alcohol, and your brain decided it would be better of your long-term psyche to rewrite what really happened in such a way that you could go forward in life dismissing that experience as being extraterrestrial. None of us Dark Rangers, even the really nice ones, are qualified to help you with that. Please don't invite us to try. Although, I will say that for entirely different reasons, I'm keeping my eye out for a dual career couple where one has an astrophysics PhD and the other has some post-doc work in psychology. But until then, do us a solid and keep your alien abduction stories to yourself. Maybe conspiracy theories are unhealthy entertainment, but where's the harm in astrology? Who are they hurting? Aren't you just being territorial?
Territorial? Hmmm. That is a compelling critique. If it were just about the $ in the astrologers pockets vs ours, and if by ours, we mean Dark Rangers (unlike most professional astronomers our only source of funding is guest bookings) then yeah, touche! Guilty as charged! We'd rather you spent your entertainment-budgeted, disposable income on a night of stargazing with us instead of a personalized daily horoscope subscription (more below). And if you have disposable income why on Earth aren't you buying more solar panels instead!? Nobody needs to "check the charts" to foretell that the climate crisis is a bigger problem for our Chi (and other things that actually exist) than whether Mercury is in retrograde for 21 days of its 88-day orbit. By their own simple definition, eastward motion against westward progress of all stars, our Moon has been in constant retrograde for ~4 billion years. Not to mention how our Moon's inclined orbit creates the same apparent loops that inner planets do, while nevertheless being in constant retrograde. Known as 18.6 year nodal precession cycle, this is why, unlike our Sun, our Moon rises and sets at different azimuths on the same day of each year. But let's keep that inconsequential tidbit an open secret of science, shall we. If the astrologers knew that, they'd freak out! And again I digress.
But if one assumes the human brain is limited in its ability to process contradictory information, then it's not really a territorial issue because neither astronomers nor astrologers appear to believe that. Being trained as scientists, even Dark Rangers know science is only advanced by processing conflicting information. Astrologers know that by falsely (fraud and luck are the rather close together end points of astrology's spectrum of "products") validating both fears as well as hopes and dreams is good for repeat customers. They also know that those who are apprehensive about the future are equally eager for both good and bad news. So how can they miss (not in terms of accuracy, but just getting your $)?! For the consumers of astrology, more information is always better because it increases that chance that something, sometime, might seem foretold. It's the same paradox for those who truly own a broken clock. As long as you check often enough you'll notice your clock is correct twice a day. Ever notice how gamblers prefer to talk about the times they've actually won? What the average detractor of astrology often fails to realize is that contradictory information isn't a credibility weakness of astrology, it's a profitability design feature. Science requires confronting and resolving contradictory information because it's in the business of making reproducible results. This can make meetings of the International Astronomical Union (IAU) contentious. But that's professionals working through the science fundamentals. Astrology lacks a uniting entity of oversight like the IAU to resolve their different "findings" because they don't want one. Consistency takes away the magic, and when your livelihood is funded by magical thinkers... Yes, astrology organizations exist and have conventions where they hand-out diplomas (e.g. American Federation of Astrologers, Professional Astrologers's Alliance, etc.). All the good pyramid schemes have meetings -- it's good for business [crime?]. Even if oversight was desired, it isn't possible because it's not clear that any two astrologers could routinely agree in their predictions because no astrologer can explain any mechanism in a reproducible way. Go ahead, ask them how the position of the planets against position of certain stars (i.e., not the big ones, or the bright ones, or the close ones, or the far ones, or the new ones, or the old ones, or the hot ones, or the cold ones; most astrologers don't correctly learn any of the real properties of their "certain" stars) when you were born applies a magical force of influence into the present and future that can exert influence unique to you while simultaneously governing entirely different outcomes for everybody else experiencing the same magical forces now and into future, but who just happen to be born under a different sign (sometimes a run-on sentence is exactly the right technique to make bullshit seem even more like bullshit)? Almost everybody shares fake information these days -- except of course Dark Rangers. Yet for us, our condemnation against astrologers is based in how it's not just entertainment, it's also grift. Unlike religions where mechanisms are also vaguely explained, predictions equally dubious, and yet outcomes are inclusive and largely based on behavioral choices; astrologers and astrology corporations are NOT known for their charitable works! Ever see a mile of highway litter-pickup adopted by Guru Jones's Natal Reads? Did you know that in USA alone, Astrology is a $2.2 billion industry ($22.8 billion globally) and growing at 5.7% per year? Don't be tricked by how both religion's Mission and astrology's agenda are all about looking out for your spiritual well being. Notice how religion can also afford to donate part of its revenue toward alleviating the suffering of the physical body too? Ever see a soup-kitchen sponsored by Madame Coprophage's Palm-reading? Do the astrologers pass around a collection plate or just bill you in advance, during, and after with monthly fees? TLDR Distinction: Astrologers are grifters. Religions and their leaders often give something back. "Meh... Willing seller, willing buyer," a capitalist might retort. "Are your services more valuable?" Valuable? As a wise old Dark Ranger used to joke: Q: Why are astrologers and astronomers equally vexed when misnamed for the other? A: Neither wants to be confused for being the purveyors of useless information. One distinction could be characterized as "relevant but inaccurate" (Astrology) vs "accurate but irrelevant" (Astronomy). Astronomy's original contributions were a matter of life and death, namely fine-tuning, over generations, a sky calendar that would help distinguish the difference between weather and climate. Civilizations that trusted their astronomers to plant and harvest on a statically optimal schedule rather than reacting to sudden and random changes in weather, had consistently better harvests. The archaeologic record suggests cultural who kept track of the night sky grew to larger size and complexity and persisted longer despite droughts and other natural disasters. But then those useful astronomers of old got replaced by robots; or at least weather satellites, climate satellites, machine learning, and climatologists. Dark Rangers will be the first to acknowledge that, on the other extreme, no human is going to need black hole knowledge in their daily lives and that money going into black hole research is science for science's sake. With all deference to worm hole travel or future humanity needing to huddle up against black holes during the heat death of the Universe (some millions of trillions of years from now?), no consumer products, medical or technological advancements are likely to come from black hole science. Yet curiosity has value to the advancement of society, not to mention the mental health of both practitioners and consumers of science. Besides its not just fun to learn, it's good to know about stuff -- doubly so when you can demonstrate your knowledge is accurate and ideally current. It would be undeniably useful to have advanced knowledge of who you will marry, when to change careers, or advice on how you can best schedule around your future misfortunes or good fortunes. However, there's never been non-anecdotal evidence to suggest (no matter how conveniently vague the prediction is, or how generously the outcome is interpreted), that astrology is ever more accurate than it is inaccurate. So the follow-up question becomes, what's the value of inaccurate information? Is it just an alternative pastime to gambling? Or is it more harmful than that? Astronomers can calculate the start and end times of solar eclipses to the second, centuries in advance. A higher stakes "gamble" would be an extinction event asteroid. Astronomers can calculate the chance of our planet colliding with any rogue asteroid -- which could really ruin an outdoor wedding regardless of whether your astrologer divined it as being a lucky or unlucky day to schedule your nuptials. Where all of this becomes actionable for us Dark Rangers, is that we know science and common sense are replete with tested and proven remedies for everything people hope to gain from astrology. Feeling unfulfilled? Join a charity and help others worse off than you. Feeling stressed? Do yoga with meditation exercises. If your yogi is also into astrology, find a different one. Do you really want physical and mental health coaching from somebody who thinks the stars determine your personality? Here's a question for the astrologers, if all of us Geminis took Zoloft would our new found lack of depression reorganize the twins constellation into a happier symbol in the sky? Or would it just star to look like the Pfizer logo? [TV lawyer fast talk: If taking Zoloft causes Gemini or any other constellation to take on the appearance of the Pfizer logo, stop taking Zoloft and consult with your medical doctor."] Why blame Aries when it's more likely you are just a jerk? Maybe spend your astrology budget on professional therapy and compare long term results. If the psychological assistance goes well, you'll know because you will gain new friendships and revitalize old ones. If you lose astrology friends, well, that's another indication the professional help is working, congratulations! No budget? Talk to those who will listen for free because they love you, assuming you don't have an inordinate amount of conspiracy theory issues too. Here again you'd want to seek professional help. Feeling small and uncertain against the backdrop of the Universe? Let a Dark Ranger empower you with a telescopic view of the Andromeda Galaxy, 2.5 million light years away. Listen as they explain how we are on an absolutely certain collision course with that much larger galaxy and yet because galaxies are mostly empty space, no Earthling is going to be harmed by the merger 4 billion years from now. Instead those future humans will just have 3 times as many stars to marvel at. Next share that 100% accurate prediction with others and you'll be joining the family of knowledge gained and shared from standing on the shoulders of a 100 generations of astronomy giants. What could give you a stronger sense of belonging? How could you become a contributing part of something bigger than that? One last analogy... and it's a weird one, so fantastical it might only be readable by Piers Anthony fans (which some Dark Rangers are) and/or astrologers who it is targeted for: We Dark Rangers imagine a beautiful and inviting library surrounded by a expansive field of attractive but worthless stones. The stones are astrology. The library is the complete and ever-growing repository of science and cultural wisdom about space. With their back to the entrance, partially blocking your access, the astrologer insists that only lies and demons lurk within the library. Their advice is that you should instead dig through that jumble of pretty rocks surrounding the library, and when you think you have found an informative stone, bring it to them. For a non-trivial fee, they'll decipher the exact meaning that rock has for you and only you. And if you are not happy with the answer, no problem, you can always grab a different rock and get another reading, for another payment, of course. Wanna really screw with them? Throw the first rock back, but watch where it lands. Bring the same rock back and get an entirely different reading the second time. Are you happy now? Or just duped? Or both? Holding the door open to this library is a Dark Ranger. "Welcome friend! Watch out for the rock-pickers and their rocks, both are a bit of a tripping hazard. Yeah, the entrance fee is $50 bucks. We wish it could be cheaper, but we don't have or even want corporate, academic, government, or philanthropic sponsors. We share the same science and we critique and are critiqued by those same peers, we just choose to remain independent so we aren't slowed down by all that bureaucracy. Anyway, during our 2-hour tour, we will try to instill in you enough trust for and literacy of space science and astronomy cultural history that you'll be able to read every book in this place. Obviously you can't read all these books tonight, nor future books not yet written. This place isn't magical! But you can always come back again later to see what is new. Realize you can also check these books out. You don't even have to return them. Keep studying them as long as you want. No you don't need to be an expert. Many times astronomy has been advanced by a lay-person's new read of old information. Will it be your read that will lead to a rewrite of future editions? Maybe someday you or your kids will author entirely new books for this library? We don't know. Not all of us are even contributing authors. AND none of us are "the librarians." We are just Dark Rangers. Of course we do some reading ourselves, but we mostly just like holding the door open so you can get a peek at all treasure inside. Wait!? You want to help? Well, there is one thing you could do... Maybe on your way out, maybe you could laugh a little bit? Not scornfully, or even in a teasing way like we might. Just chuckle with the satisfaction of somebody who found something they can use. Laugh just loudly enough that maybe some of the others will look in your direction. Give those folks a reason to pause for moment from their grubbing about, looking for cryptic knowledge on the underside of pretty rocks." |
Will we have to hear about politics (jokingly or otherwise) that we don't agree with?
Great Question! Hopefully not. But if your politics inform you to oppose our Mission, then maybe? Because our Mission does have political implications.
The Mission of Dark Ranger Telescope Tours is to use astronomy to increase scientific literacy, build enthusiasm for humanity becoming a spacefaring civilization, and heighten awareness of the evils of light pollution.
Here's 3 topics we are occasionally criticized for being "too political" about.
1) Some nights we talk about Earth's climate crisis because it directly relates to understanding planetology, which empowers our understanding of terraforming, which is what will allow humanity to eventually become multi-planetary. Colonies on Moon, Mars or Venus (#Venus1st), and much later, even Pluto. Being multiplanetary would protect our species from the only kind of climate change we are otherwise completely defenseless to, and guess what? It is the only truly "natural" and "cyclical " one we have to worry about -- asteroid impacts.
However, if you think and feel that the CO2 climate crisis is more about politics than science, then there might be 30 seconds here or there, while at the DRO, when you'd be more comfortable with your fingers in your ears. Those who keep listening might have a new respect for the power of CO2 warming when they learn about the tentative plan of moving 95% of Venus's C02 atmosphere to Mars so as to make both of our neighbors more Earth-like. Comparing that nearly but not entirely impossible terraforming effort, so as to make a couple of fixer-upper planets barely habitable, suddenly makes taking better care of the planet we already have, seem like a no-brainer. And since the only practical solutions to slowing Earth's "burn" is to subsidize green energy and transportation while also creating a tax & dividend for carbon; and because that dual fix requires legislation, which of course, is a political process... so yeah? Politics?
2) If your "not-politics" are that world governments and billionaires who can afford spaceships are immoral for wasting money on space exploration when Earth has problems more deserving of funding like starvation, the climate crisis, cancer, etc.; you might accuse us of being "not political enough?" What if we persuaded you to agree that the sad reality of human history is that nothing important is achieved until it absolutely has to be (i.e. when it effects almost everybody) or alternatively when it no longer inconveniences rich people. Would that make us "too political?" Or just too cynical? What if we elaborated on that point with these assertions and imagined scenarios:?
- WHO, CDC, academia, and "Big Pharma" would never have united to engineer mRNA vaccines before the COVID pandemic, no matter how much funding was made available (everybody).
- Perhaps in our near future, the high prevalence of tumors in humans living and working on our Moon (as a training ground for Mars) without the protection of an atmosphere or magnetic field will be the final motivation needed to cure cancer (everybody)?
- Future intensive farming techniques or synthetic food production needed on Mars, could be the final break through that insures no Earthling (living in a humanitarian nation) on either planet goes hungry (everybody).
- Future episodes of The Bachelorette filmed on the hellscape of early-stage terraforming of Venus might get Earth's influencers finally helping influence the CO2 emissions on our home world, "Look how too much Carbon Dioxide is really bad for your complexion, you guys! They are like LITERALLY blue in the face, all of the time! Even the roses have to be like in their own little space suits you guys, and that is like soooOOOooo NOT romantic!"
When influencers are among the last of us discover the solution, maybe we will finally get somewhere? "Everybody needs solar panels you guys. So like and subscribe and use our discount link in the description below to get your house some nice PVs so while we are LIKE worrying about making Venus more Earth-like, we don't LIKE make Earth more Venus-like." (inconveniences rich people).
Are those speculations above too left-leaning for you? Too right-leaning? Too centrist? Regardless, that's about as political as your Dark Ranger is going to get.
3) Finally, if you are concerned about light pollution, be it from SpaceX's Starlink satellites or the ubiquitous, and far more detrimental, legions of ground-based sources, we have lots of science to share that may help inform your opinion. Fighting light pollution is our origin story. If you find that kind of energy conservation off-putting, don't worry, you might not even get 10 minutes of that during an entire telescope tour. However, if you send us a 10-word email request on the subject, you might get a 10-page reply. And since here again, the only impactful approach involves regulation (voluntary or legislative) we are perfectly comfortable influencing political opinions about light pollution.
The Mission of Dark Ranger Telescope Tours is to use astronomy to increase scientific literacy, build enthusiasm for humanity becoming a spacefaring civilization, and heighten awareness of the evils of light pollution.
Here's 3 topics we are occasionally criticized for being "too political" about.
1) Some nights we talk about Earth's climate crisis because it directly relates to understanding planetology, which empowers our understanding of terraforming, which is what will allow humanity to eventually become multi-planetary. Colonies on Moon, Mars or Venus (#Venus1st), and much later, even Pluto. Being multiplanetary would protect our species from the only kind of climate change we are otherwise completely defenseless to, and guess what? It is the only truly "natural" and "cyclical " one we have to worry about -- asteroid impacts.
However, if you think and feel that the CO2 climate crisis is more about politics than science, then there might be 30 seconds here or there, while at the DRO, when you'd be more comfortable with your fingers in your ears. Those who keep listening might have a new respect for the power of CO2 warming when they learn about the tentative plan of moving 95% of Venus's C02 atmosphere to Mars so as to make both of our neighbors more Earth-like. Comparing that nearly but not entirely impossible terraforming effort, so as to make a couple of fixer-upper planets barely habitable, suddenly makes taking better care of the planet we already have, seem like a no-brainer. And since the only practical solutions to slowing Earth's "burn" is to subsidize green energy and transportation while also creating a tax & dividend for carbon; and because that dual fix requires legislation, which of course, is a political process... so yeah? Politics?
2) If your "not-politics" are that world governments and billionaires who can afford spaceships are immoral for wasting money on space exploration when Earth has problems more deserving of funding like starvation, the climate crisis, cancer, etc.; you might accuse us of being "not political enough?" What if we persuaded you to agree that the sad reality of human history is that nothing important is achieved until it absolutely has to be (i.e. when it effects almost everybody) or alternatively when it no longer inconveniences rich people. Would that make us "too political?" Or just too cynical? What if we elaborated on that point with these assertions and imagined scenarios:?
- WHO, CDC, academia, and "Big Pharma" would never have united to engineer mRNA vaccines before the COVID pandemic, no matter how much funding was made available (everybody).
- Perhaps in our near future, the high prevalence of tumors in humans living and working on our Moon (as a training ground for Mars) without the protection of an atmosphere or magnetic field will be the final motivation needed to cure cancer (everybody)?
- Future intensive farming techniques or synthetic food production needed on Mars, could be the final break through that insures no Earthling (living in a humanitarian nation) on either planet goes hungry (everybody).
- Future episodes of The Bachelorette filmed on the hellscape of early-stage terraforming of Venus might get Earth's influencers finally helping influence the CO2 emissions on our home world, "Look how too much Carbon Dioxide is really bad for your complexion, you guys! They are like LITERALLY blue in the face, all of the time! Even the roses have to be like in their own little space suits you guys, and that is like soooOOOooo NOT romantic!"
When influencers are among the last of us discover the solution, maybe we will finally get somewhere? "Everybody needs solar panels you guys. So like and subscribe and use our discount link in the description below to get your house some nice PVs so while we are LIKE worrying about making Venus more Earth-like, we don't LIKE make Earth more Venus-like." (inconveniences rich people).
Are those speculations above too left-leaning for you? Too right-leaning? Too centrist? Regardless, that's about as political as your Dark Ranger is going to get.
3) Finally, if you are concerned about light pollution, be it from SpaceX's Starlink satellites or the ubiquitous, and far more detrimental, legions of ground-based sources, we have lots of science to share that may help inform your opinion. Fighting light pollution is our origin story. If you find that kind of energy conservation off-putting, don't worry, you might not even get 10 minutes of that during an entire telescope tour. However, if you send us a 10-word email request on the subject, you might get a 10-page reply. And since here again, the only impactful approach involves regulation (voluntary or legislative) we are perfectly comfortable influencing political opinions about light pollution.
Does it get cold when stargazing with you guys? Haha! Just kidding. This is such a fun FAQ I wanted to be a part of it. So, my real question is, after ignoring your copious warnings about the cold and then still trying to blame you for weather issues in their laughably ignorant social media reviews, what is the 2nd dumbest thing your detractors whine about?
Okay [sigh] fine! I've been ignoring this question for a long time because calling ignorant people "ignorant" doesn't help them become less so. But with an optimistic belief that most people don't strive to stay uninformed, I'm going to finally attempt to answer this question in the context of tuff-love advice.
Pro tip: If you want to hide the fact that you are a terrible observer, perhaps so bad that you shouldn't be trusted to proofread M&Ms, DO NOT say either of these things:
1) "The stars looked pretty much the same through their telescopes as they did when I just used my eyes."
or
2) "Their sky isn't that dark! We didn't even need a flashlight to walk around like we do back home?"
Annoyingly Ignorant Thing to Say #1:
Until the completion of the Extremely Large Telescope Earthlings do not yet have a telescope (on the ground or in orbit) sufficiently large enough to magnify any star besides our Sun. We say this every night giving the simple explanation that despite some stars being very large, they are all just too far away to be more than a pixel so they don't have enough angular diameter to be magnified. And if you ask us to elaborate, most Dark Rangers can stumble through the Diffraction Limit problem getting at how the wave-nature of light makes every other kind of object in the Universe (except maybe black holes) easy to magnify, but never individual stars. More likely you'll just get a fun little demonstration with any double / binary star system showing how a more powerful eyepiece can increase the distance between stars making your brain feel the two of them have been drawn closer to your eye (the opposite of the vanishing point created by parallel lines extending into the distance), but when coached to look more carefully you'll see they didn't really get individually bigger, only just became brighter.
The finer point (as in fine focusing) is this: we emphasize this counter-intuitive reality every night, because this limitation of physics is a happy constraint. Since we can't magnify stars it empowers anybody, even those who have never looked thorough a telescope before, to focus on an individual star and, after having done so, to know that the galaxy or anything else in the background is perfectly focused to match their own unique vision. These are the typical phrases that all in attendance will hear several times, and most will begin to listen and learn from:
- "Make the stars as small as possible! That's when they are in focus."
- "Next knock them out of focus and put them back in focus so you can convince yourself you've learned focusing technique."
- "No donuts! If your stars look like somebody shot a hole through everyone of them, you are way out of focus!"
and
- "If the stars in the eyepiece don't look like brighter versions of themselves in the sky, meaning tiny little dots, you are not in focus yet! Or have just suffered a head injury?"
Regrettably if you use this stars-can't-be-magnified law of physics and optics in an attempt to discredit the experience we provide, you are declaring to us and everybody else that:
a) you are a special kind of dummy because you actually just thanked us for teaching you how to expertly focus a telescope like few of our competitors even attempt.
b) you left stupidly-early, not after telescope session 2's 3rd rotation, like most people do, but instead you only looked through the 2 of 6 telescope which happened to be pointed at solitary stars to teach focusing during session 1's 1st rotation. And so by self-inflicted bad decision making, you skipped out on looking at the other 4 telescopes which were invariably pointed at a planet or our Moon, or anything else the is obviously MUCH larger than when looking at with eyes not attached to a head-injury brain. AKA That's on you Braugh!
c) If you did look at the telescopic views of our Moon which at least filled, if not overflowed the eyepiece showing individual craters, or the rings of Saturn, or moons of Jupiter, or crescent phase of Venus, etc. and concluded "Yep, pretty much the same to my eye." you either ate the wrong mushrooms with dinner, or more likely you are the kind of person whose observational skills would lead them to shout "Stop the machines! All these M&Ms have w's on them!"
Annoyingly Ignorant Thing to Say #2
If you heard yourself say something like "Their sky isn't that dark! We didn't even need a flashlight to walk around like we do back home?" You had what some might consider a once-in-a-life-time experience, but missed out on the epiphany by jumping to your own conclusions as inexperienced experts often do. Your fail is its own sufficient punishment. Yet, because we have got to stay in business more than we need to teach space science to the uninterested in learning, we will snark back with something like, "Thanks for honoring us with your presence! For you could only be a real princess, if you can spout such a strong misconclusion about something you are simultaneously demonstrating you know next-to-nothing about."
Princess Di, may she rest in peace, is the real-world exception to that princess cliché. Candle in the wind, you guys!
Here's where you are right:
Almost everybody, young and old, can easily see their way around our phalanx of telescopes BECAUSE our sky is so dark your night vision will switch on.* Try to understand that a scientific measure of dark sky is NOT about whether you can see your surroundings or not, but how many stars you can see in the sky, and if they twinkle or not. Twinkling is bad. It indicates high enough humidity and/or air pollution that your eyes are not going to see about a thousand fainter stars they could otherwise. Not throwing shade on Mozart here, but... WAIT! Set me up again! "Not trying to cast Mozart in a dim light here, but..." Yep. That's better. "It's entirely forgivable that Wolfgang thought looking 'like a diamond in the sky' was an indication of good stargazing. He was allegedly very young at the time.
As long as you can see the sky (i.e., not in a dark forest where tree canopy blocks the sky -- that creates almost cave-quality darkness!), the silver rainbow of the Milky Way and 1000s of much closer stars provide plenty of light to navigate by, when you are in night vision mode.
*And here's where you are wrong:
The paradox for how an urban or even rural "night" (don't say "sky" because if this is your experience you clearly didn't look up) can seem darker is because those skies have too much artificial light for your eye-brain system to fully go into night vision mode. So when stuck having to use daytime vision at night, of course the terrestrial surroundings are going to seem darker. This fail is why your HMO or town board is going to ignorantly put up more street lights which will make everything worse-off instead of better. The sky will become brighter with light pollution and people will see EVEN MORE poorly. BTW burglars and muggers love to "work" these kinds of neighborhoods. Feeling stupid? Don't be anymore, because now you know! Also know that less than a million people on Earth understand this easily demonstrated paradox. Inexperienced expertise is a pandemic. But now you have been vaccinated against this 1 variant.
The reality, which might not have been a part of your life experience yet, is that the only humans who CANNOT see in the dark are those who foolishly use flashlights in the dark (or of course are legally blind or had especially bad Lasix surgery). However, if you try using a red flashlight (or other kinds of red light sources) thus allowing you to still acclimate into human night vision mode, you begin to see in the dark after just 5 minutes. Most could read a newspaper headline after 1-3 hours having so acclimated (psst! Newspapers were widely circulated, fact-checked and edited physical written content that could generally be trusted because they thrived during an era when lying was considered bad behavior, and printing retractions was not a sign of weakness but integrity).
Evolutionary biologists suggest that this phenomena of night vision became part of the human condition when jolly Homo erectus started domesticating fire. Our ancient African ancestors who could still see the leopard crouching in the darkness despite the red light of a campfire got to become our ancestors. The others helped the inclusive fitness (aka fed them their bodies) of the leopard species. Which, when you think about it, also made this human attribute more necessary. Well-fed leopards lived long enough to teach their offspring to become increasingly stealthy hunters too.
Wait! Those pre-human people who became leopard food also created a selection pressure for red-light resistant night vision!? So should we be thanking our hominid ancestors or the leopards for giving us this marvelous ability to carry a red torch for improving our close-up ability to see in the dark without forfeiting our long-distance night vision?
All the clear-thinking evolutionists would answer "Yes!"
Pro tip: If you want to hide the fact that you are a terrible observer, perhaps so bad that you shouldn't be trusted to proofread M&Ms, DO NOT say either of these things:
1) "The stars looked pretty much the same through their telescopes as they did when I just used my eyes."
or
2) "Their sky isn't that dark! We didn't even need a flashlight to walk around like we do back home?"
Annoyingly Ignorant Thing to Say #1:
Until the completion of the Extremely Large Telescope Earthlings do not yet have a telescope (on the ground or in orbit) sufficiently large enough to magnify any star besides our Sun. We say this every night giving the simple explanation that despite some stars being very large, they are all just too far away to be more than a pixel so they don't have enough angular diameter to be magnified. And if you ask us to elaborate, most Dark Rangers can stumble through the Diffraction Limit problem getting at how the wave-nature of light makes every other kind of object in the Universe (except maybe black holes) easy to magnify, but never individual stars. More likely you'll just get a fun little demonstration with any double / binary star system showing how a more powerful eyepiece can increase the distance between stars making your brain feel the two of them have been drawn closer to your eye (the opposite of the vanishing point created by parallel lines extending into the distance), but when coached to look more carefully you'll see they didn't really get individually bigger, only just became brighter.
The finer point (as in fine focusing) is this: we emphasize this counter-intuitive reality every night, because this limitation of physics is a happy constraint. Since we can't magnify stars it empowers anybody, even those who have never looked thorough a telescope before, to focus on an individual star and, after having done so, to know that the galaxy or anything else in the background is perfectly focused to match their own unique vision. These are the typical phrases that all in attendance will hear several times, and most will begin to listen and learn from:
- "Make the stars as small as possible! That's when they are in focus."
- "Next knock them out of focus and put them back in focus so you can convince yourself you've learned focusing technique."
- "No donuts! If your stars look like somebody shot a hole through everyone of them, you are way out of focus!"
and
- "If the stars in the eyepiece don't look like brighter versions of themselves in the sky, meaning tiny little dots, you are not in focus yet! Or have just suffered a head injury?"
Regrettably if you use this stars-can't-be-magnified law of physics and optics in an attempt to discredit the experience we provide, you are declaring to us and everybody else that:
a) you are a special kind of dummy because you actually just thanked us for teaching you how to expertly focus a telescope like few of our competitors even attempt.
b) you left stupidly-early, not after telescope session 2's 3rd rotation, like most people do, but instead you only looked through the 2 of 6 telescope which happened to be pointed at solitary stars to teach focusing during session 1's 1st rotation. And so by self-inflicted bad decision making, you skipped out on looking at the other 4 telescopes which were invariably pointed at a planet or our Moon, or anything else the is obviously MUCH larger than when looking at with eyes not attached to a head-injury brain. AKA That's on you Braugh!
c) If you did look at the telescopic views of our Moon which at least filled, if not overflowed the eyepiece showing individual craters, or the rings of Saturn, or moons of Jupiter, or crescent phase of Venus, etc. and concluded "Yep, pretty much the same to my eye." you either ate the wrong mushrooms with dinner, or more likely you are the kind of person whose observational skills would lead them to shout "Stop the machines! All these M&Ms have w's on them!"
Annoyingly Ignorant Thing to Say #2
If you heard yourself say something like "Their sky isn't that dark! We didn't even need a flashlight to walk around like we do back home?" You had what some might consider a once-in-a-life-time experience, but missed out on the epiphany by jumping to your own conclusions as inexperienced experts often do. Your fail is its own sufficient punishment. Yet, because we have got to stay in business more than we need to teach space science to the uninterested in learning, we will snark back with something like, "Thanks for honoring us with your presence! For you could only be a real princess, if you can spout such a strong misconclusion about something you are simultaneously demonstrating you know next-to-nothing about."
Princess Di, may she rest in peace, is the real-world exception to that princess cliché. Candle in the wind, you guys!
Here's where you are right:
Almost everybody, young and old, can easily see their way around our phalanx of telescopes BECAUSE our sky is so dark your night vision will switch on.* Try to understand that a scientific measure of dark sky is NOT about whether you can see your surroundings or not, but how many stars you can see in the sky, and if they twinkle or not. Twinkling is bad. It indicates high enough humidity and/or air pollution that your eyes are not going to see about a thousand fainter stars they could otherwise. Not throwing shade on Mozart here, but... WAIT! Set me up again! "Not trying to cast Mozart in a dim light here, but..." Yep. That's better. "It's entirely forgivable that Wolfgang thought looking 'like a diamond in the sky' was an indication of good stargazing. He was allegedly very young at the time.
As long as you can see the sky (i.e., not in a dark forest where tree canopy blocks the sky -- that creates almost cave-quality darkness!), the silver rainbow of the Milky Way and 1000s of much closer stars provide plenty of light to navigate by, when you are in night vision mode.
*And here's where you are wrong:
The paradox for how an urban or even rural "night" (don't say "sky" because if this is your experience you clearly didn't look up) can seem darker is because those skies have too much artificial light for your eye-brain system to fully go into night vision mode. So when stuck having to use daytime vision at night, of course the terrestrial surroundings are going to seem darker. This fail is why your HMO or town board is going to ignorantly put up more street lights which will make everything worse-off instead of better. The sky will become brighter with light pollution and people will see EVEN MORE poorly. BTW burglars and muggers love to "work" these kinds of neighborhoods. Feeling stupid? Don't be anymore, because now you know! Also know that less than a million people on Earth understand this easily demonstrated paradox. Inexperienced expertise is a pandemic. But now you have been vaccinated against this 1 variant.
The reality, which might not have been a part of your life experience yet, is that the only humans who CANNOT see in the dark are those who foolishly use flashlights in the dark (or of course are legally blind or had especially bad Lasix surgery). However, if you try using a red flashlight (or other kinds of red light sources) thus allowing you to still acclimate into human night vision mode, you begin to see in the dark after just 5 minutes. Most could read a newspaper headline after 1-3 hours having so acclimated (psst! Newspapers were widely circulated, fact-checked and edited physical written content that could generally be trusted because they thrived during an era when lying was considered bad behavior, and printing retractions was not a sign of weakness but integrity).
Evolutionary biologists suggest that this phenomena of night vision became part of the human condition when jolly Homo erectus started domesticating fire. Our ancient African ancestors who could still see the leopard crouching in the darkness despite the red light of a campfire got to become our ancestors. The others helped the inclusive fitness (aka fed them their bodies) of the leopard species. Which, when you think about it, also made this human attribute more necessary. Well-fed leopards lived long enough to teach their offspring to become increasingly stealthy hunters too.
Wait! Those pre-human people who became leopard food also created a selection pressure for red-light resistant night vision!? So should we be thanking our hominid ancestors or the leopards for giving us this marvelous ability to carry a red torch for improving our close-up ability to see in the dark without forfeiting our long-distance night vision?
All the clear-thinking evolutionists would answer "Yes!"
Why is your competition so much more expensive?
Competition? The only astronomy entity in North America that offers a stargazing experience of equal quality to ours is the University of Texas's McDonald Observatory. Only they have as dark of sky and almost as large a collection of BIG publicly accessible telescopes. True, their prices for private tours are much more expensive, but their prices for public tours are ACTUALLY less expensive. They welcome 100s of guests per night. We charge more so that we can:
a) cap attendance at 42,
b) maintain our unprecedented 1:5-7, telescope : guest ratio,
and c) pay our astronomers a living wage rather than relying so much on volunteers or student interns.
There are many other entities who offer stargazing with telescopes (and most are more expensive), but either their smaller portable telescope(s) get set up in dark-ish parking lots, city parks, or not-too-busy road shoulders, and being portable, are much smaller than ours. With telescopes, size really matters. Astronomy B&Bs offer the huge benefit of being able to eat and sleep adjacent to the telescope(s). Just know that if they emphasize their thread-count over their telescope's aperture, it's probably because that's the bigger number, and you'll be getting what you pay for -- luxury sheets and crappy telescopes. Fewer still operate actual observatories which are open to the public. Most of these are located in suburban or rural locations where light pollution still significantly detracts. To the best of our knowledge, only we and the McDonald Observatory offer the best of all worlds -- or you know... at least this one.
The other reason we don't like the term "competition" is because we are excited to see the recent rise in astronomy tourism. It can only lead to an increase in science literacy and a heightened awareness to the evils of light pollution. In particular we endorse the efforts of the few National Parks who actually offer stargazing programs, instead of just bragging about their dark-sky park designations. They prioritize those two of the same goals of our 3-part Mission to the extent that we do. Besides, we the Dark Rangers®, trained many of those park rangers, so of course we are going to promote their "free" (after the purchase of a park entrance fee) presentations.
a) cap attendance at 42,
b) maintain our unprecedented 1:5-7, telescope : guest ratio,
and c) pay our astronomers a living wage rather than relying so much on volunteers or student interns.
There are many other entities who offer stargazing with telescopes (and most are more expensive), but either their smaller portable telescope(s) get set up in dark-ish parking lots, city parks, or not-too-busy road shoulders, and being portable, are much smaller than ours. With telescopes, size really matters. Astronomy B&Bs offer the huge benefit of being able to eat and sleep adjacent to the telescope(s). Just know that if they emphasize their thread-count over their telescope's aperture, it's probably because that's the bigger number, and you'll be getting what you pay for -- luxury sheets and crappy telescopes. Fewer still operate actual observatories which are open to the public. Most of these are located in suburban or rural locations where light pollution still significantly detracts. To the best of our knowledge, only we and the McDonald Observatory offer the best of all worlds -- or you know... at least this one.
The other reason we don't like the term "competition" is because we are excited to see the recent rise in astronomy tourism. It can only lead to an increase in science literacy and a heightened awareness to the evils of light pollution. In particular we endorse the efforts of the few National Parks who actually offer stargazing programs, instead of just bragging about their dark-sky park designations. They prioritize those two of the same goals of our 3-part Mission to the extent that we do. Besides, we the Dark Rangers®, trained many of those park rangers, so of course we are going to promote their "free" (after the purchase of a park entrance fee) presentations.
Compare what you do, to the stargazing Bryce Canyon National Park offers?
To put it simply, we merely offer the deluxe version of a similar experience. They have the same near-pristine dark sky, only employ staff with excellent customer service skills, and they also champion science and night sky preservation the way we do. Where we differ, is that our telescopes are larger. We have a dedicated facility. Our amphitheater and telescopes are only 42 feet (13m) apart so there's no commute between show and telescopes with limited parking on either end.
They charge $35/car load for a wide variety of outdoor experiences including stargazing. For a family-friendly pricing scheme ($50/adult and deep discounts for teens and kids), we focus on "just" the Universe. Park Rangers are hired and trained to be multi-capable individuals conversant on a wide variety of topics. Dark Ranger specialize in all things night-sky related and have mastery over telescope operation, because it's all we do. The biggest difference is that because Bryce Canyon doesn't cap attendance, they often get lines 50-people deep per telescopes, where we promise at most 1:7 telescope per guest ratio. Hence our motto "More time viewing, less time queuing."
To be clear many of us Dark Ranger perfected our skills in the service of Bryce Canyon National Park (as paid staff and volunteers). To put it another way, they are our so-called 'origin story.' Therefore we are eager to do joint staff training sessions with them, help them keep their telescopes operational, and when we are sold out, we unequivocally direct our overflow to them. They reciprocate by sending guests to us (though you might have to specifically ask?) on their off-nights, because while we are open nightly, they can only do astronomy 2-3 nights per week.
They charge $35/car load for a wide variety of outdoor experiences including stargazing. For a family-friendly pricing scheme ($50/adult and deep discounts for teens and kids), we focus on "just" the Universe. Park Rangers are hired and trained to be multi-capable individuals conversant on a wide variety of topics. Dark Ranger specialize in all things night-sky related and have mastery over telescope operation, because it's all we do. The biggest difference is that because Bryce Canyon doesn't cap attendance, they often get lines 50-people deep per telescopes, where we promise at most 1:7 telescope per guest ratio. Hence our motto "More time viewing, less time queuing."
To be clear many of us Dark Ranger perfected our skills in the service of Bryce Canyon National Park (as paid staff and volunteers). To put it another way, they are our so-called 'origin story.' Therefore we are eager to do joint staff training sessions with them, help them keep their telescopes operational, and when we are sold out, we unequivocally direct our overflow to them. They reciprocate by sending guests to us (though you might have to specifically ask?) on their off-nights, because while we are open nightly, they can only do astronomy 2-3 nights per week.
Why don't Dark Rangers oppose Starlink and all that satellite light pollution like other astronomers? Are you sell-outs?
The short answer is:
a) Because it is a benign type of light pollution that's harmless to human health, poses zero ecological risks, does not produce excessive CO2, and often enhances people's stargazing experience, rather than detracting from the night sky.
b) SpaceX is the only corporation the Dark Rangers are aware of that is even trying to mitigate the light pollution they create.
So, "Sell-outs?" No... we are more like better informed "buy-ins."
Long answer requires background info and for us to disclose our consumer bias:
We have 2 starlink dishes, one residential, one roving. A single dish provides excellent and reliable WiFi service using less energy than a small solar panel can generate (i.e. equivalent of 3 cell phones, or a 60 watt light bulb). What's more, up to 128 devices can be connected to a single dish. That's more than enough bandwidth for work, research, business, and entertainment needs of a cadre of privileged Dark Rangers. Just imagine what a few starlink dishes and subscriptions could do for a destitute village in a developing country!
Unlike aircraft, satellites don't have lights but instead reflect sunlight from their positions in orbit, where they can still reflect sunlight long after our Sun has set on the ground below. Higher the orbit, better the chance of reflecting light down to Earth's night side. To provide fastest data transmission possible, Starlink satellites orbit at 300-600km high (same zone as the orbits of ISS, Tiangong, Hubble Space Telescopes, etc.). Their solar panels stick up like shark fins with the antenna surface perpendicular to the ground. They are now equipped with a sun-visor-like flap making it even harder for sunlight to shine underneath them where it can bounce down and be detectable on the ground. However, for the day or two after launching, "trains" of these satellites still traveling together are eye-catching and photographic-data-damaging. Starlink trains are easily visible because they are still thrusting toward their final orbits, increasing their angle to sunlight. Yes, these minisatellites (as defined by being less than 500 kgs in mass) have argon-powered impulse thrusters so they can not only avoid collisions with other orbiting objects but also be intentionally incinerated in Earth's atmosphere when decommissioned. That extra design element reduces, instead of increases, the problem of space junk, aka Kessler Syndrome. Once they achieve their functional orbits they are VERY hard to see, even in our near-pristine dark sky.
What annoys us Dark Rangers is that it is ONLY this nothing-burger contribution to light pollution that has finally got professional (aka "diurnal") astronomers talking about light pollution. For the past 3 decades amateur astronomers, ecologists, medical doctors, and of course Park Rangers and Dark Rangers championed the www.darksky.org movement. Over those years, a disappointing realization became abundantly apparent to us, which was that diurnal astronomers were among the most apathetic and least supportive of this effort to conserve natural darkness. Now their sudden concern about light pollution, appears self-serving. They are concerned about streaks in their data requiring taking more pictures, or better coordinating astrophotography sessions to avoid the occasional Starlink train that might pass through that exact tiny section of sky a telescope needs to photograph.
Even when these sats number in the 10s of thousands of these small satellites, occurring mainly during twilight, they are not going to worsen any location's Bortle Scale rating, and nobody's cancer tumors are going to grow faster from this benign source of light pollution. Therefore we wonder if those astronomers aren't really concerned about the human health, ecological impacts, and wasted CO2 from light pollution. Instead maybe they are merely appropriating the phrase "light pollution" to capitalize on the click-bait that comes from using words "Elon" and "Musk" to dramatize the inconvenience of having light trails in their astrophotography. Dark Rangers do a lot of astrophotography too! You can review our unprocessed efforts here, and we have grown accustomed to having to throw away half of our images due to not just satellite trails, but also commercial aircraft. We are the first to acknowledge that, with the aid of increasingly inexpensive but user friendly software and imaging technology, taking 1000s of picture per night is relatively easy as long as you have excellent telescopes. And unlike professional astronomers, our telescopes aren't purchased with tax-$ or endowments. Only you, our customers, fund our astrophotography! Besides, we are happy to overwhelm this inconvenience, with "try, try, again" effort, because in our estimation, it's a noble trade-off for providing all humans with reliable and fast connections to the internet and www -- a stated goal of SpaceX and their Starlink program.
We anticipate that diverting a tiny portion of big research budgets to digital technicians will solve the problems of satellite streaks with such expertise that astronomers will feel silly continuing to complain. What will be interesting to see is whether their new-found passion for mitigating light pollution and time saved from correcting data instead of re-shooting images will get redirected toward advocating for reduced light pollution elsewhere. Or if, after their tiny part of a global problem is solved, will they return to their research as if nothing else matters.
a) Because it is a benign type of light pollution that's harmless to human health, poses zero ecological risks, does not produce excessive CO2, and often enhances people's stargazing experience, rather than detracting from the night sky.
b) SpaceX is the only corporation the Dark Rangers are aware of that is even trying to mitigate the light pollution they create.
So, "Sell-outs?" No... we are more like better informed "buy-ins."
Long answer requires background info and for us to disclose our consumer bias:
We have 2 starlink dishes, one residential, one roving. A single dish provides excellent and reliable WiFi service using less energy than a small solar panel can generate (i.e. equivalent of 3 cell phones, or a 60 watt light bulb). What's more, up to 128 devices can be connected to a single dish. That's more than enough bandwidth for work, research, business, and entertainment needs of a cadre of privileged Dark Rangers. Just imagine what a few starlink dishes and subscriptions could do for a destitute village in a developing country!
Unlike aircraft, satellites don't have lights but instead reflect sunlight from their positions in orbit, where they can still reflect sunlight long after our Sun has set on the ground below. Higher the orbit, better the chance of reflecting light down to Earth's night side. To provide fastest data transmission possible, Starlink satellites orbit at 300-600km high (same zone as the orbits of ISS, Tiangong, Hubble Space Telescopes, etc.). Their solar panels stick up like shark fins with the antenna surface perpendicular to the ground. They are now equipped with a sun-visor-like flap making it even harder for sunlight to shine underneath them where it can bounce down and be detectable on the ground. However, for the day or two after launching, "trains" of these satellites still traveling together are eye-catching and photographic-data-damaging. Starlink trains are easily visible because they are still thrusting toward their final orbits, increasing their angle to sunlight. Yes, these minisatellites (as defined by being less than 500 kgs in mass) have argon-powered impulse thrusters so they can not only avoid collisions with other orbiting objects but also be intentionally incinerated in Earth's atmosphere when decommissioned. That extra design element reduces, instead of increases, the problem of space junk, aka Kessler Syndrome. Once they achieve their functional orbits they are VERY hard to see, even in our near-pristine dark sky.
What annoys us Dark Rangers is that it is ONLY this nothing-burger contribution to light pollution that has finally got professional (aka "diurnal") astronomers talking about light pollution. For the past 3 decades amateur astronomers, ecologists, medical doctors, and of course Park Rangers and Dark Rangers championed the www.darksky.org movement. Over those years, a disappointing realization became abundantly apparent to us, which was that diurnal astronomers were among the most apathetic and least supportive of this effort to conserve natural darkness. Now their sudden concern about light pollution, appears self-serving. They are concerned about streaks in their data requiring taking more pictures, or better coordinating astrophotography sessions to avoid the occasional Starlink train that might pass through that exact tiny section of sky a telescope needs to photograph.
Even when these sats number in the 10s of thousands of these small satellites, occurring mainly during twilight, they are not going to worsen any location's Bortle Scale rating, and nobody's cancer tumors are going to grow faster from this benign source of light pollution. Therefore we wonder if those astronomers aren't really concerned about the human health, ecological impacts, and wasted CO2 from light pollution. Instead maybe they are merely appropriating the phrase "light pollution" to capitalize on the click-bait that comes from using words "Elon" and "Musk" to dramatize the inconvenience of having light trails in their astrophotography. Dark Rangers do a lot of astrophotography too! You can review our unprocessed efforts here, and we have grown accustomed to having to throw away half of our images due to not just satellite trails, but also commercial aircraft. We are the first to acknowledge that, with the aid of increasingly inexpensive but user friendly software and imaging technology, taking 1000s of picture per night is relatively easy as long as you have excellent telescopes. And unlike professional astronomers, our telescopes aren't purchased with tax-$ or endowments. Only you, our customers, fund our astrophotography! Besides, we are happy to overwhelm this inconvenience, with "try, try, again" effort, because in our estimation, it's a noble trade-off for providing all humans with reliable and fast connections to the internet and www -- a stated goal of SpaceX and their Starlink program.
We anticipate that diverting a tiny portion of big research budgets to digital technicians will solve the problems of satellite streaks with such expertise that astronomers will feel silly continuing to complain. What will be interesting to see is whether their new-found passion for mitigating light pollution and time saved from correcting data instead of re-shooting images will get redirected toward advocating for reduced light pollution elsewhere. Or if, after their tiny part of a global problem is solved, will they return to their research as if nothing else matters.
Do you offer Senior or Military discounts?
Sorry, no. :-(
We take a different approach to discounts. Certainly we respect our elders. From the beginning of time, astronomy has relied on the wise passing on knowledge to the young. We try to support our troops beyond bumper-stickers and "Thank you for your service." Indeed we offer free (+ our travel expenses) astral navigation workshops that are no longer being taught in the U.S. Military, but probably should be? It is our opinion that in an era where few can read a map, a reliance on something so vulnerable as GPS, is foolish and a serious combat-readiness issue.
Regardless, our discounts are designed to "pay it forward." We know that, some retirees retire so they can be advocates. Many in the military serve humanity long after their 40-hr week is complete. Yet, we restrict our discounts to the children because obviously only their hearts and minds are motivated to solve the problems we are "bequeathing" to them. Do we still hold a grudge against "the Boomers" for cancelling the Apollo Missions. Absolutely! Do we find mocking young advocates for their Climate Crisis mitigation efforts abhorrent? More than you can possibly imagine! So, we subsidize the attendance of children and young adults, rather than their grandparents. Who are more likely to become astronauts, engineers, and planetologists? Who will bring humanity to Mars and Venus while simultaneously keeping Earth as livable as possible? We are betting it's going to be the kids, and this is how we support them.
Finally, we believe in the equity of "ability to pay." Since we also know that all young families (especially those in the military) struggle to make ends meet, that's why parents with the youngest kids pay the least. If you find children off-putting, may we recommend our private tours? Yes, they are a lot more expensive, but by booking those instead, you might be making everybody happier? Regardless, every time you splurge to book a private tour with us, you will be helping us help young and/or military families, by empowering us to keep our public tour pricing as family-friendly as possible.
We take a different approach to discounts. Certainly we respect our elders. From the beginning of time, astronomy has relied on the wise passing on knowledge to the young. We try to support our troops beyond bumper-stickers and "Thank you for your service." Indeed we offer free (+ our travel expenses) astral navigation workshops that are no longer being taught in the U.S. Military, but probably should be? It is our opinion that in an era where few can read a map, a reliance on something so vulnerable as GPS, is foolish and a serious combat-readiness issue.
Regardless, our discounts are designed to "pay it forward." We know that, some retirees retire so they can be advocates. Many in the military serve humanity long after their 40-hr week is complete. Yet, we restrict our discounts to the children because obviously only their hearts and minds are motivated to solve the problems we are "bequeathing" to them. Do we still hold a grudge against "the Boomers" for cancelling the Apollo Missions. Absolutely! Do we find mocking young advocates for their Climate Crisis mitigation efforts abhorrent? More than you can possibly imagine! So, we subsidize the attendance of children and young adults, rather than their grandparents. Who are more likely to become astronauts, engineers, and planetologists? Who will bring humanity to Mars and Venus while simultaneously keeping Earth as livable as possible? We are betting it's going to be the kids, and this is how we support them.
Finally, we believe in the equity of "ability to pay." Since we also know that all young families (especially those in the military) struggle to make ends meet, that's why parents with the youngest kids pay the least. If you find children off-putting, may we recommend our private tours? Yes, they are a lot more expensive, but by booking those instead, you might be making everybody happier? Regardless, every time you splurge to book a private tour with us, you will be helping us help young and/or military families, by empowering us to keep our public tour pricing as family-friendly as possible.
So why do you offer full rebates to all those teachers?
First of all it is not ALL teachers! We only honor $42 rebates to K-12 public school teachers. The private sector is full of better-paid teachers or teachers working for non-accredited institutions. We have to draw the line somewhere otherwise we might find ourselves subsidizing those who actively oppose our Mission: e.g. astrologers, young Earth creationists, etc. There's also a lot of fakers out there looking for educational discounts, but sadly not enough willing to answer the greatest calling -- becoming a K-12 public school teacher themselves.
1. Teachers further the Dark Ranger Mission better than Seniors or members of the Military... or anybody else and especially astrologers.
2. Teaching is the profession that makes ALL other professions possible... including Military, so maybe show a bit less self-interest and if you can muster it a little bit of goddamned respect for teachers?
3. Ironically, teaching is the profession denied its expertise while nevertheless demonstrating it everyday. Dark Rangers revere teachers. Instead of telling them what and how to teach, like so many misguided parents and creepy politicians do these days, we ask teachers to teach us. We seek their advice so that we can do better at our amateurish attempts at teaching.
4. And since that's asking professionals to work while on vacation, a $42 rebate is a small price to pay for expert consultation of our guests who happen to be K-12 public school teachers.
1. Teachers further the Dark Ranger Mission better than Seniors or members of the Military... or anybody else and especially astrologers.
2. Teaching is the profession that makes ALL other professions possible... including Military, so maybe show a bit less self-interest and if you can muster it a little bit of goddamned respect for teachers?
3. Ironically, teaching is the profession denied its expertise while nevertheless demonstrating it everyday. Dark Rangers revere teachers. Instead of telling them what and how to teach, like so many misguided parents and creepy politicians do these days, we ask teachers to teach us. We seek their advice so that we can do better at our amateurish attempts at teaching.
4. And since that's asking professionals to work while on vacation, a $42 rebate is a small price to pay for expert consultation of our guests who happen to be K-12 public school teachers.
Is it true that child-eyes can't focus well enough to use telescopes?
No! Indeed exactly opposite is true. Humans have the best night-vision at age 11-12 because only they can dilate their pupils to a maximum of 10mm. Furthermore, younger eyes have a greater range of focus (due to more flexible lenses) so they seldom need to adjust a telescope's focus to match their vision. As long as a child has had a few minutes of practice looking through a tube with one eye closed (or manually held closed), they will need less time at an eyepiece than adults to get their best possible view.
We can only speculate that some of our so-called competition created this myth to excuse themselves from the responsibility of hiring staff who are (or can be trained to become) good with kids. Please note our family-friendly pricing. Hopefully that says everything else we cannot politely further elaborate upon here.
We can only speculate that some of our so-called competition created this myth to excuse themselves from the responsibility of hiring staff who are (or can be trained to become) good with kids. Please note our family-friendly pricing. Hopefully that says everything else we cannot politely further elaborate upon here.
Lots of places brag about their dark sky. Can you prove yours is darkest?
No. Because several places on Earth are a little darker. In these slightly darker locations, the human eye can detect 8,000+ stars over the course of a clear Moonless night:
- Antarctica (in the winter when it's actually dark)
- Saharan Morroco (yeah, but it's a dry heat!)
- Southern Africa (famously Namibia)
- The Australian Outback (when it's not on fire)
- Atacama Desert in Chile (if you can breathe at 14,000 ft above sea level)
- Summit of Hawaii's Mauna Kea (especially when clouds roll in to reduce light pollution from cities below like Hilo)
However, thanks to exhaustive and peer-reviewed research of the NPS "Night Sky Team" you too, can prove that the 4 of the 6 darkest places in North America that are still accessible by a paved road all occur in Southern Utah. In these locations you can see 7,500 stars over the course of a dark night.
#1 Hovenweep National Monument
#2 Natural Bridges National Monument
#3 Capitol Reef National Park
#4 Bryce Canyon National Park (as nightly showcased at the Dark Ranger Observatory)
P.S. The other 2 are Big Bend National Park, and the aforementioned McDonald Observatory -- both in Texas.
- Antarctica (in the winter when it's actually dark)
- Saharan Morroco (yeah, but it's a dry heat!)
- Southern Africa (famously Namibia)
- The Australian Outback (when it's not on fire)
- Atacama Desert in Chile (if you can breathe at 14,000 ft above sea level)
- Summit of Hawaii's Mauna Kea (especially when clouds roll in to reduce light pollution from cities below like Hilo)
However, thanks to exhaustive and peer-reviewed research of the NPS "Night Sky Team" you too, can prove that the 4 of the 6 darkest places in North America that are still accessible by a paved road all occur in Southern Utah. In these locations you can see 7,500 stars over the course of a dark night.
#1 Hovenweep National Monument
#2 Natural Bridges National Monument
#3 Capitol Reef National Park
#4 Bryce Canyon National Park (as nightly showcased at the Dark Ranger Observatory)
P.S. The other 2 are Big Bend National Park, and the aforementioned McDonald Observatory -- both in Texas.
Why only a 75% refund for cloudy nights? My wife read everything and agreed to this, but I'm only paying attention now because it's happening to me. I demand to speak to the manager and receive detailed information in writing about how you justify this business model... which I might not read either.
Thank you very much for asking! I am "the manager" so I hope you enjoy the extra read.
Though... it sounds like your wife could also explain, after reading our cancellation policy in one of these places:
- on our website
- post booking questionnaire
- email confirmation
- day before email reminder
- pre-show text and email weather update
- and cloudy night cancellation notification and apology, text and email message
Anyway, point of fact, we routinely offer 3 cancellation options, NOT just 75% refunds:
- Option 1: 75% refund (we are only really keeping 19% because the other 6% goes to credit card fees)
- Option 2: "Bump" to another night, as long as backup night bookings (for $1/ticket) aren't already full
- Option 3: Price-locked store credit, with 42-year expiration date for rebooking same tickets that is also 100% transferable to friends, family, random strangers, or maybe even ticket-scalpers, if your state law allows.
Of course, none this matters to the intentional stargazer. Bucket-listers, or those afflicted with wanderlust (now traced to gene DRD4-7R), would have just booked and attended at least 1 Backup night so the worst that would have happened to them is a 100% refund. If you suspect we intentionally incentivize the "Don't see why you don't stay little longer..." hospitality, you are correct! It's not just because we want to share with you Utah's wonderful night sky resource, but it's also for the betterment of our local tourism economy. And if you've read our Mission statement you'd also realize this gives us leverage in encouraging the motels and restaurants we help fill to reduce their light pollution.
Those who, for whatever reason, made something else a higher priority and opted NOT to book a backup night, get to philosophize about whose fault bad weather is/was. Some would argue weather is nobody's fault (except of course those who have huge carbon footprints). From the indignant, we sometimes hear a haughty assertion that the weather-dependent businesses should endure 100% of the inconvenience created by bad weather. We disagree. Even our rare Hard Cancellations (85% refund, DRTT keeping 9%) still result in staff time (read our cost-break down below). What's more, the rest of the tourism industry also thinks the inconvenience should be shared. And if you keep reading, you'll see how our weather related refund policy meets or exceeds the generosity of others:
- Amusement and theme parks stay open in bad weather that necessitates them closing their most weather-susceptible rides (also usually the most popular) with 0.0% refunded. Perhaps they assume you'll still enjoy refuge from the rain by spending even more money in their indoor gift shops and restaurants? Their hard closures result in extending the expiration dates of pre-purchased passes -- by up to a few months or rarely an entire year. By comparison, DRTT offers Option#3. Maybe it's harder for amusement parks and their corporate owners to be as generous because they only generate billions of dollars more annual profits than we do?
- National Parks, Southern Utah having many of the best, are probably the reason you found us. They offer 0.0% refunds for bad weather even when large and/or popular locations, areas, and trails within their boundaries are closed during bad weather or even just from past weather damage, AND they are subsidized by U.S Citizen's (your) tax dollars. So what's their excuse? Bad weather is natural (unless you believe the climate crisis is anthropogenic?), and parks are all about nature.
- The airlines, as dictated by U.S. Department of Transportation, and not necessarily the goodness of their well-lobbied hearts (one might ask why decency has to be legislated), have the option of assigning you to another flight, issuing full refunds or just providing vouchers. Do you know which your carrier prefers? Do they publish the policy in as many locations or correspondences as DRTT does ours?
- Perhaps only the ski industry is even more weather-dependent than astronomy. It appears that the more corporate a ski resort is, the less generous their "not enough snow", or "too windy for lifts to run" closure policies are. Your research might be better than ours, for even though we live in Utah and love skiing, few of us can afford to downhill ski, except on special occasions, or locals' coupon days.
- There's even less consistency in the public astronomy business. Many offer refunds, some do not at all. It seems to correlate with whether they have a physical observatory with substitutes for not being able to use telescopes on cloudy nights (e.g. prerecorded or planetarium shows (same difference?), museum exhibits, etc.). Companies with portable (aka little) telescope(s) who set up in parking lots or pullouts on public lands are more likely to offer full refunds. Perhaps they can afford to do this because such a limited astronomy experience has minimal operating expenses? Dark Ranger Telescope Tours, to mix a metaphor, is in that transitional middle where we put the telescopes before the cart. We first bought the largest collection of BIG telescope, public accessible in American Southwest and next we will worry about building the indoor facility with all the consolation prizes like a giftshop, museum, planetarium, etc. However, even our least experienced Dark Rangers will still give a better live presentation on a cloudy night than anything you find in any planetarium anywhere, and that same staff member will provide a more fun, educational, and current Q&A afterwards than any learning opportunity you will find in any astronomy museum.
As leaders in the Astro-tourism industry, we aren't strongly influenced by the business models of others. The secret of our success is that we recruit and retain the best astronomy entertainers money can buy, and we reinvest all profits into making infrastructural and technological upgrades. As is relevant to your question, the latter includes buying access to the most expensive weather models available. Oh? And you say your phone came with a free weather app? Maybe we both got exactly what we paid for?
So, here's the breakdown for how we justify keeping 19% of the money we actually received. Don't forget credit card transactions take the other 6% of what we call our 75% cloudy night refund:
1. 3% credit card transaction fee for paying refunds. NOTE: Since volume-based pricing is legal for banks, unlike manufacturers, only big corporate retailers get near-zero transaction fees. That's how our USA-elected officials are lobbied to keep small businesses at a constant disadvantage. Hey non-corporate attorneys, or anybody else who claims to support small business: Imagine a Robinson-Patman Act, but for banks, and how that would level the playing field.
2(a). 25% staff labor if we go for it.
OR....
2(b). 10% staff on "stand-down" pay if we Hard Cancel. Yes, we guarantee 2 hours of pay even when we do a Hard Cancel (usually for safety reasons), and we don't open up at all. Call it Universal Background Income or socialism. We don't care about your labels, because we know our staff use this time for research and presentation development. That perk gives them extra time to improve, and more importantly, it's good for their morale -- happy employees provide better customer service. Don't forget astronomers go to school much longer than attorneys and engineers, often as long as medical doctors. Since most well-educated professionals still get paid when weather denies them access to their offices, why shouldn't astronomers too?
4. 2% Weather prediction. I, the owner and Head Dark Ranger, often spend an hour of analysis for each uncertain night, and preparing related text and email weather updates for you, our customer. My other related time-suck is corresponding with guests who can't wait for the 6:30-7:30pm final weather update like everybody who read the weather clause of their booking agreement. The ones who make this most expensive are those who think they need to inform me or even argue about what they think our weather will be, even when they have never been to Southern Utah before.
5. 2% for time spent by me, owner and Head Dark Ranger, bumping bookings, managing back-up night rosters, as well as processing refunds and store credit correctly and immediately - you won't have to endure any of these slacker-corporate, net-30 or net-60 day stall tactics. We don't "day-trade" with your refund, we only refund your refund.
And there no other expenses, because I pretend that as owner, and Head Dark Ranger, I NEVER have to re-explain and re-justify this policy to those who could have read it here or the 6 other opportunities listed above but didn't until it was too late to do anything but complain about it.
Math summary: Still reading?
On those rarest nights when we have to make a Hard Cancellation, 85% refund, of which we only keep 9% of the money we receive (15% refund with 6% lost to transaction & booking fees), we only take a 5% loss (9% - 14%). Only 5% is lost because our staff time drops from 5 hrs each to 2 hrs. But Hard Cancellation means we have a 0% chance to avoid doing those refunds aka "Salvage the night." So the loss is certain. We try to avoid this because it's certain to be a lose-lose for everybody involved except the credit card company and booking service -- they NEVER lose.
On the more common nights when a win-win seems possible, and so we go for it, and yet we still fail, our 75% refund policy (we keep 19% banks and booking service keeps the other 6%) means we take a greater loss of 10% (29%-19%). Yet history (our accounting files cross-referenced with recorded weather data) has shown there's a 50/50 chance that when we go for it, we can avoid having to do refunds. Perhaps "chance" is not the right word? When we "salvage the night" it's not usually because the weather gods were feeling benevolent. Instead it's because the Dark Rangers were awesome at expertly fighting "sucker holes" and we were able to show our guests our minimum telescope tour list of at least 1 example from 4 of the 5 classes of astronomical object, thru openings in the clouds and/or because our telescopes are so large they can see bright objects through thinner clouds! Our 75% refund policy (going for it anyway) is designed so that we can endure up to 50 failed nights per year when we take a 10%-loss each time. Because our profit threshold is modeled so that only 50% of our ticket sales result in profit, we would have to significantly increase our prices to offer full refunds for cloudy nights. Why should our business model be more expensive to all when it can instead only be inconvenient to the less committed -- those itinerant, stargazers who didn't book a backup night?
Though... it sounds like your wife could also explain, after reading our cancellation policy in one of these places:
- on our website
- post booking questionnaire
- email confirmation
- day before email reminder
- pre-show text and email weather update
- and cloudy night cancellation notification and apology, text and email message
Anyway, point of fact, we routinely offer 3 cancellation options, NOT just 75% refunds:
- Option 1: 75% refund (we are only really keeping 19% because the other 6% goes to credit card fees)
- Option 2: "Bump" to another night, as long as backup night bookings (for $1/ticket) aren't already full
- Option 3: Price-locked store credit, with 42-year expiration date for rebooking same tickets that is also 100% transferable to friends, family, random strangers, or maybe even ticket-scalpers, if your state law allows.
Of course, none this matters to the intentional stargazer. Bucket-listers, or those afflicted with wanderlust (now traced to gene DRD4-7R), would have just booked and attended at least 1 Backup night so the worst that would have happened to them is a 100% refund. If you suspect we intentionally incentivize the "Don't see why you don't stay little longer..." hospitality, you are correct! It's not just because we want to share with you Utah's wonderful night sky resource, but it's also for the betterment of our local tourism economy. And if you've read our Mission statement you'd also realize this gives us leverage in encouraging the motels and restaurants we help fill to reduce their light pollution.
Those who, for whatever reason, made something else a higher priority and opted NOT to book a backup night, get to philosophize about whose fault bad weather is/was. Some would argue weather is nobody's fault (except of course those who have huge carbon footprints). From the indignant, we sometimes hear a haughty assertion that the weather-dependent businesses should endure 100% of the inconvenience created by bad weather. We disagree. Even our rare Hard Cancellations (85% refund, DRTT keeping 9%) still result in staff time (read our cost-break down below). What's more, the rest of the tourism industry also thinks the inconvenience should be shared. And if you keep reading, you'll see how our weather related refund policy meets or exceeds the generosity of others:
- Amusement and theme parks stay open in bad weather that necessitates them closing their most weather-susceptible rides (also usually the most popular) with 0.0% refunded. Perhaps they assume you'll still enjoy refuge from the rain by spending even more money in their indoor gift shops and restaurants? Their hard closures result in extending the expiration dates of pre-purchased passes -- by up to a few months or rarely an entire year. By comparison, DRTT offers Option#3. Maybe it's harder for amusement parks and their corporate owners to be as generous because they only generate billions of dollars more annual profits than we do?
- National Parks, Southern Utah having many of the best, are probably the reason you found us. They offer 0.0% refunds for bad weather even when large and/or popular locations, areas, and trails within their boundaries are closed during bad weather or even just from past weather damage, AND they are subsidized by U.S Citizen's (your) tax dollars. So what's their excuse? Bad weather is natural (unless you believe the climate crisis is anthropogenic?), and parks are all about nature.
- The airlines, as dictated by U.S. Department of Transportation, and not necessarily the goodness of their well-lobbied hearts (one might ask why decency has to be legislated), have the option of assigning you to another flight, issuing full refunds or just providing vouchers. Do you know which your carrier prefers? Do they publish the policy in as many locations or correspondences as DRTT does ours?
- Perhaps only the ski industry is even more weather-dependent than astronomy. It appears that the more corporate a ski resort is, the less generous their "not enough snow", or "too windy for lifts to run" closure policies are. Your research might be better than ours, for even though we live in Utah and love skiing, few of us can afford to downhill ski, except on special occasions, or locals' coupon days.
- There's even less consistency in the public astronomy business. Many offer refunds, some do not at all. It seems to correlate with whether they have a physical observatory with substitutes for not being able to use telescopes on cloudy nights (e.g. prerecorded or planetarium shows (same difference?), museum exhibits, etc.). Companies with portable (aka little) telescope(s) who set up in parking lots or pullouts on public lands are more likely to offer full refunds. Perhaps they can afford to do this because such a limited astronomy experience has minimal operating expenses? Dark Ranger Telescope Tours, to mix a metaphor, is in that transitional middle where we put the telescopes before the cart. We first bought the largest collection of BIG telescope, public accessible in American Southwest and next we will worry about building the indoor facility with all the consolation prizes like a giftshop, museum, planetarium, etc. However, even our least experienced Dark Rangers will still give a better live presentation on a cloudy night than anything you find in any planetarium anywhere, and that same staff member will provide a more fun, educational, and current Q&A afterwards than any learning opportunity you will find in any astronomy museum.
As leaders in the Astro-tourism industry, we aren't strongly influenced by the business models of others. The secret of our success is that we recruit and retain the best astronomy entertainers money can buy, and we reinvest all profits into making infrastructural and technological upgrades. As is relevant to your question, the latter includes buying access to the most expensive weather models available. Oh? And you say your phone came with a free weather app? Maybe we both got exactly what we paid for?
So, here's the breakdown for how we justify keeping 19% of the money we actually received. Don't forget credit card transactions take the other 6% of what we call our 75% cloudy night refund:
1. 3% credit card transaction fee for paying refunds. NOTE: Since volume-based pricing is legal for banks, unlike manufacturers, only big corporate retailers get near-zero transaction fees. That's how our USA-elected officials are lobbied to keep small businesses at a constant disadvantage. Hey non-corporate attorneys, or anybody else who claims to support small business: Imagine a Robinson-Patman Act, but for banks, and how that would level the playing field.
2(a). 25% staff labor if we go for it.
OR....
2(b). 10% staff on "stand-down" pay if we Hard Cancel. Yes, we guarantee 2 hours of pay even when we do a Hard Cancel (usually for safety reasons), and we don't open up at all. Call it Universal Background Income or socialism. We don't care about your labels, because we know our staff use this time for research and presentation development. That perk gives them extra time to improve, and more importantly, it's good for their morale -- happy employees provide better customer service. Don't forget astronomers go to school much longer than attorneys and engineers, often as long as medical doctors. Since most well-educated professionals still get paid when weather denies them access to their offices, why shouldn't astronomers too?
4. 2% Weather prediction. I, the owner and Head Dark Ranger, often spend an hour of analysis for each uncertain night, and preparing related text and email weather updates for you, our customer. My other related time-suck is corresponding with guests who can't wait for the 6:30-7:30pm final weather update like everybody who read the weather clause of their booking agreement. The ones who make this most expensive are those who think they need to inform me or even argue about what they think our weather will be, even when they have never been to Southern Utah before.
5. 2% for time spent by me, owner and Head Dark Ranger, bumping bookings, managing back-up night rosters, as well as processing refunds and store credit correctly and immediately - you won't have to endure any of these slacker-corporate, net-30 or net-60 day stall tactics. We don't "day-trade" with your refund, we only refund your refund.
And there no other expenses, because I pretend that as owner, and Head Dark Ranger, I NEVER have to re-explain and re-justify this policy to those who could have read it here or the 6 other opportunities listed above but didn't until it was too late to do anything but complain about it.
Math summary: Still reading?
On those rarest nights when we have to make a Hard Cancellation, 85% refund, of which we only keep 9% of the money we receive (15% refund with 6% lost to transaction & booking fees), we only take a 5% loss (9% - 14%). Only 5% is lost because our staff time drops from 5 hrs each to 2 hrs. But Hard Cancellation means we have a 0% chance to avoid doing those refunds aka "Salvage the night." So the loss is certain. We try to avoid this because it's certain to be a lose-lose for everybody involved except the credit card company and booking service -- they NEVER lose.
On the more common nights when a win-win seems possible, and so we go for it, and yet we still fail, our 75% refund policy (we keep 19% banks and booking service keeps the other 6%) means we take a greater loss of 10% (29%-19%). Yet history (our accounting files cross-referenced with recorded weather data) has shown there's a 50/50 chance that when we go for it, we can avoid having to do refunds. Perhaps "chance" is not the right word? When we "salvage the night" it's not usually because the weather gods were feeling benevolent. Instead it's because the Dark Rangers were awesome at expertly fighting "sucker holes" and we were able to show our guests our minimum telescope tour list of at least 1 example from 4 of the 5 classes of astronomical object, thru openings in the clouds and/or because our telescopes are so large they can see bright objects through thinner clouds! Our 75% refund policy (going for it anyway) is designed so that we can endure up to 50 failed nights per year when we take a 10%-loss each time. Because our profit threshold is modeled so that only 50% of our ticket sales result in profit, we would have to significantly increase our prices to offer full refunds for cloudy nights. Why should our business model be more expensive to all when it can instead only be inconvenient to the less committed -- those itinerant, stargazers who didn't book a backup night?
